I identify as a bisexual female, and I’m in a long-term relationship with a guy. Most people just assume that because I’m dating a guy, there’s no way that I would identify as anything other than straight. I’ve had people question my desire to attend a Pride parade, and almost because of this, I never have. Unfortunately, I’ve frequently allowed other people’s limited understanding of me to define me.
Throughout my life, I’ve allowed people to assume so many things about me, one of those being that I’m straight. Those assumptions typically aren’t even on purpose or have any kind of malicious intent. I wish people would understand that who you happen to be dating does not reflect your sexual orientation. Not even my boyfriend, who I’ve been dating for years and who knows me better than anyone, knows that I’m bisexual. This isn’t because I’m ashamed, it just simply never seems to come up in conversation. If anyone were to ask me about my sexual orientation, I would tell them the truth. That wasn’t always the case, however.
Throughout middle and high school, sexual orientation was very rarely discussed; unless of course, you were just straight. Friends of mine who later came out as LGBTQ+ would viciously defend their “heterosexuality” throughout those very judgmental years. The mindset that being anything other than straight was just weird and it definitely took a toll on me. I’ve told some people about my sexuality, but the majority of people in my life have no idea.
I would like to acknowledge that there is some privilege that lies in being “straight-passing.” As a female dating a male, I haven’t had to worry about coming out to my parents. If I were to bring home another girl, I don’t predict it being an issue per se, but it would be a conversation.
As for how it affects my relationship, it doesn’t. I love my boyfriend and I can honestly see us getting married in the near future. I’ve frequently heard the (extremely wrong) assumption that people who are bisexual have a harder time being faithful to their partner. This is absolutely not the case. It’s totally against my values to be unfaithful to the person I love. My sexual orientation has, however, allowed me to live my life and be open to love from human beings, regardless of whether they were male or female.
Another point I would like to make clear is that even if my boyfriend and I end up getting married one day, I’m still 100% bisexual and always will be. Being in a heterosexual relationship does not take away from what I identify as.
My sexual orientation does not define me, but it is a part of me. I wouldn’t change my sexuality for anything, and I’m so honored to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community.