I want to preface this article by emphasizing that some of the points made here will contain information that most of you are afraid to talk about. Which is why I’m here…to break the boundaries of awkwardness.
Ready?
ORGASM.
Now that that’s out of the way, we can stop fearing the discomfort.
So let’s begin.
The other day, my girlfriends and I were sitting around talking about this new guy my friend had just started seeing. After about five or ten minutes of listening to her go on and on about how romantic and adorable he is, I finally interrupted with, “So, did you guys have sex yet?”
The room fell silent; when I say you could hear a pin drop, I legitimately mean I heard one plummet to the ground.
“Uh…well, sort of, kind o- not really…”
“Stacey, you either did or you didn’t,” I laughed.
So then after about fifteen minutes of beating around the bush, she finally admitted that they had had sex, however, she did not orgasm. Then the conversation went into a whole different direction as almost every single one of those girls disclosed to never having an orgasm before.
That conversation got me thinking; tons of girls my age pretend like they’ve had the best sex of their life, when in actuality most probably don’t even know what “good sex” is.
Let’s face it. The majority of us are college students, just starting to adapt to living on our own, making our own rules, and at the same time having the power to break those rules.
Our sex lives essentially just started taking off once we left our parent’s nests. It would be silly to expect that we should all have that innate knowledge of being able to pleasure our partners. Sure, pornography helps, but many of us (including some males) are terrified at the thought of exploring alternative possibilities for sexual enjoyment.
Nevertheless, according to a 2007 article from digg.com, “70% of women have admitted to faking an orgasm at least once in their lifetime.”
Towards the end of the night, Stacey divulged another secret that she had been holding on to.
“I’ve never had an orgasm before…I think there might be something wrong with me.”
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
I PROMISE.
Now, I’m not saying I’m a credible physician, but it’s been my experience that girls tend to blame themselves for not climaxing. I’ve compiled a list of possible causes for a lack of orgasm:
1) YOU AREN’T ENTIRELY COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR PARTNER
- This is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL in order to enjoy sex. If you aren’t comfortable with him/her, you won’t be able to let loose and get pleasure from intercourse. Many times, girls struggle with this preconceived idea that the minute they remove their clothes, their partner begins to criticize and judge their bodies. Unfortunately, this mentality creates an involuntary wall that prevents you from fully appreciating sex.
2) YOU AREN’T ENTIRELY COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF
- This is just as essential as rule number 1, if not more. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will.” Cliché, but absolutely factual. This adverse feeling creates another one of those mental blockades that restricts your mind from the giving of yourself to your partner.
3) YOU ARE INTOXICATED
- Drunken sex is a complete no-no. First of all, from the legal standpoint it could constitute rape. Nevertheless, although you feel much more relaxed and comfortable, your mind isn’t all there. Climaxing is both your body and your mind’s job. If one isn’t working, the other won’t be able to function on it’s own.
4) YOU ARE ENGAGING IN RECREATIONAL SEX
- If you’re the kind of person that is able to practice (safe) sex freely without getting your emotions involved, more power to you. However, the majority of females aren’t wired that way. As much as we try to convince ourselves that we won’t get attached if we sleep with a guy, that’s most likely not the case. The minute the clothes come off is the moment our emotional brain takes over. It’s just the way females are programmed. If we can’t feel the love, we can’t feel the love down there, either. Sorry, girls.
5) YOUR PARTNER IS ONLY IN IT TO WIN IT
- Because of our age, we tend to be a little more selfish in the sex column. I know for males, the minute they are done is when you have to be done. If you haven’t had the chance to experience your orgasm, that’s just too bad for you. This goes hand-in-hand with rule number 4, because if the guy is acting like he doesn’t give a shi*t, he genuinely doesn’t give a shi*t. Not only is it your job to make sure that your needs are met, but if your partner really cares about you, he/she is going to want to make sure you are taken care of. Sometimes it can be an insult to guys if you aren’t able to climax and they are.
Remember, you may not always be able to achieve an orgasm every time you have sex, so just because the last couple of times you haven’t been able to, doesn’t mean you’re broken, it could just mean that you have a lot on your mind and aren’t able to fully commit to your partner and the sex.
So, the next time you and your partner are in between the sheets, try and remember some of these pointers, because although they may not be scientific, they can definitely help alleviate some of your worries!