You aren’t completely aware of this yet, but we all have a mutual friend. Not in the social networking sense, but rather in general. She’s very attractive, loves revenge, and knows how to ruin your week quicker than any mediocre professor with a grudge. Her name is Karma, and we’ve all shook her hand at least once since coming to college. Every time we screw up or do something we blatantly know is wrong, she’s the first person to slap us across the face and laugh. She’s a total princess with a hidden agenda and more time on her hands than a middle-aged trophy wife. Like all people in your life who you can’t stand, you’d instinctually just cut off all contact and hope that she doesn’t give you problems or turn your mutual friends against you. But Karma doesn’t play by those rules; so don’t even try to delete her from your Facebook because she’ll just hack it anyway.
Most of us can agree that relationships are a learning process, and when it’s our turn to do the rejecting, we’re not always as merciful as we should be. At some point or another, we’ve turned someone down for the wrong reasons, or even rejected them too harshly. Karma doesn’t care though, because she shows no mercy and might even get a laugh or two out of the situation. Every time a guy breaks up with his girlfriend of six weeks over a text message, Karma has front row seats to the greatest vendetta around. Every time a girl tells a guy that she can’t go out because she has to “study,” when really she’s going on a date with some community college dropout 3 years older than her, Karma jumps in and ruins the rest of her semester. Was that oddly specific? In any case, there are those of us who believe in Karma, and those of us who don’t. Some call it coincidence while others call it fate. Call it what you will, but sometimes Karma throws us a rude awakening that shakes the ground we tread on.
I have an old friend who used to swear up and down that Karma was a myth. Her rude awakening came when every girl’s worst nightmare became a reality. To make a long story short, she developed a cockroach infestation in her car. When she told me about it, I jokingly told her that for every guy she’s left in her wake or completely ignored, there was a cockroach breeding in her car. She said, “That must be it! I swear someone or something is smiting me for breaking up with my sociopathic exes. It got to the point where I spent almost $100 on cans of cockroach killer in one semester.” At that point, all I could do was laugh, and the only thing she had to say to that was, “Does roach killer get rid of Karma?” Needless to say, her mildly hilarious predicament led her to become a believer.
The moral of this fine story is simple: Take control of your love life in the most civil way possible, and always remember to play fair if you want the same in return. No one ever got slapped across the face without hitting someone else first. If you find yourself in an unfortunate situation like my friend, always remember that it could be worse. Her story is one in a million and she’ll always be my muse, but no matter the situation, just remember that no insecticide is strong enough to get rid of the high maintenance dictator that goes by the name of Karma.