If there’s anything I’ve learned about sex and relationships in my 21 orbits around the sun, it’s that there are so many different kinds of connections we can have with the people in our lives, romantic, platonic or otherwise, and no two are exactly the same. One of my closest and most valued relationships is a DDLG relationship. It’s sort of branched out into becoming my aesthetic, even affecting the clothes I wear, the things I buy, and more recently, how I personalize my iOS 14 home screen.
DDLG is an acronym for Daddy Dom Little Girl. Although it falls under the BDSM umbrella (specifically, the ‘D’ as in dominant and the ‘S’ as in submissive), the relationship can take many forms, from the most sexual and hardcore, to the softest and non-sexual and anything in-between. It’s actually a very common relationship; somebody you know or even you yourself might have dipped your toes into the lifestyle at one point. I know I was surprised to find out how many close friends of mine shared the same kink as me!
The biggest thing about DDLG relationships is that, like all relationships, it exists between two consenting adults. The way it goes is that the Daddy Dom plays the role of a caregiver, often disciplinary and referred to as such, and the Little Girl takes the role of their submissive. Being the Little Girl in a DDLG relationship, age-regression often goes hand-in-hand; this is what is referred to as being in the “littlespace.” While in littlespace, the Little Girl can be as sweet or as bratty as one is comfortable with, and their job is to either follow or break the rules made by their dominant, putting them in control. It’s like a game.
As it goes when it comes to most kinks, other people who do not share the same interests as you can be very judgemental for one reason or another. A lot of stereotypes and stigma surround the DDLG community. When one is playing a game that basically requires you to be subservient to a dominant male figure, putting him in a position of power, it can seem very emasculating to a woman. It’s easy to fall into that headspace at times when the relationship requires one person to be more dependent on the other. But, there’s a difference between being in littlespace and being talked down to and treated like you’re small.
In my experience, the DDLG lifestyle and slipping into littlespace stems not from childhood trauma or as a way to cope with “daddy issues,” but as a temporary escape from adult life, responsibilities and other stressors. I was interested in aspects of the DDLG lifestyle long before I knew the name, and practicing them with a partner is an entirely different ballgame. I deeply cherish the relationship I have with my dominant a lot more than I would in a traditional relationship because of the heavy trust and mutual attention required from it.
Just because you submit to a man in the bedroom doesn’t make you any less of a strong woman. At the end of the day, I’m still an adult with a job and bills to pay. That’s why your relationship with your partner is so important. It’s important that even though you’re their “submissive,” when all is said and done, they still recognize you as an equal. It’s important that even though they’re the ones who have control over you during the session, you have control over what you do and do not want to do, and they listen to you and respect you. It’s important that, no matter how long or how short or how intense or vanilla a session is, you and your partner give each other any kind of aftercare you both require. That’s what makes a perfect Daddy Dom — anything less would be considered abusive and is not what a healthy DDLG relationship looks like.
I’m lucky to have a dominant that lets me feel like I’m in control of a session and makes me feel like I’m an equal, even when I’m regressed into my littlespace. The DDLG community is the most supportive, loving and fun community I’ve ever encountered, and while it might not be everybody’s cup of tea, I encourage everybody to someday at least give it a try.
If you’re interested in learning more about DDLG, check out this in-depth Beginner’s Guide here from sexualalpha.com!