It’s okay to have opinions. It’s okay to have different perspectives. These two things are completely normal and different for every person. This isn’t something I ever thought I would feel the need to reiterate in an article, but alas, these are the times we are living in.
Over the past few months, I have, like many others, gone down a rabbit hole of sorts. First, it was aesthetic TikTok videos of vegan recipes that I knew I would most likely never make. Next came the glow-up videos that I am still desperately waiting to happen to me, and lastly were the videos that I never could have expected. Politics.
Before 2020, I was never really interested in politics. At home, we were taught that it was improper to discuss politics with people outside of our family, so I never really bothered investing too much time into preparing for a discussion that I never imagined taking place. Of course, I watched the news every morning and night and sometimes I would skim the newspaper on Sunday mornings, but it was never in hopes that I might be educated on the workings of our government or the policies that our elected officials would soon be putting into action.
Well, this was the case up until two months ago, when I stumbled upon a young woman named Kaitlin Bennet. Many of you may recognize her as the proud conservative young woman who decided that it would be a good idea to enter our campus without a mask on and attempt to spread her message back in September. And although I don’t agree with her or her viewpoints, her aggressively charged questions and confrontational interview style got me thinking about the proper etiquette for conducting civil discourse.
This thought began to lead me on my own search for answers. And after watching countless interviews and reading dozens of articles, I am proud to bring you my very own guide to civil discourse for college students. I know that this election has been tough, and honestly, all that any of us want to do right now is yell at all of these people about what the right decision is so that they might understand it. But, since we can’t exactly do that, I hope that this guide will at least help you get through the holidays with your folks and teach you how to properly discuss a difference of opinion with others in the near future.
- Study The Topic At Hand
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone about a topic that they genuinely knew nothing about? It always makes for quite an interesting experience, doesn’t it?
Person A: Hey! Did you see the new law they just implemented in the county?
Person B: Yeah, I saw it.
Person A: What are your thoughts?
Person B: Well, I mean, it was processed and it’s going to affect people, so that’s kind of cool.
Yes, that’s literally describing the act of implementing a law, but we don’t need to explain that. Don’t let this be you. I cannot tell you how rough it is to watch someone be stuck in that position. If you come across someone like this in a discussion, please just walk away; there’s no need to discuss any further.
- Read The Room
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When someone is wearing headphones, most of society’s members usually understand that this means the particular person is off-limits for conversation at the moment. The same goes for someone who is on the phone, or is in the midst of a conversation with another person — it’s simply a no-go, and understandably so. So, why is that all of these societal rules have simply begun to fade away during this political year? I would be happy to discuss Amy Coney Barrett’s nomination for the Supreme Court, but can I do it sometime when I’m not next in line at the Starbucks on campus, as I’m already running late for class? To me, that would make way more sense, but maybe that’s just me? No. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
- Establish the Tone
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You don’t text your friends the same way that you would email your professor. The same goes for any discussion. I’m not saying they always need to be the most formal conversations on the planet — it’s not like Queen Victoria has arrived. But you should hold on to some manner of decorum so that the conversation remains somewhat serious and as factual as possible. With that said, humor is completely okay, as it allows the banter to remain friendly. And believe me, it’s important to see others as genuine human beings, especially so we can avoid the feeling of wanting to chuck something across the room when said person doesn’t want same-sex couples to have equal rights. I honestly can’t believe we are still dealing with this problem in 2020, but anyway, onto the next step.
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Answer The Question
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Watching interviews is one of my favorite hobbies. Perhaps it’s just nice to get to witness some human interaction during these quarantine times while being separated from close friends and family. But as much I love them, I do have two interview pet peeves: low microphone volume and the evading of questions. Have you ever watched a celebrity interview where the celeb avoids answering a question to keep the audience interested? Or they start attacking another person to make it seem like, “well, at least I’m not that guy”? I mean, I get the goal, but it never works in their favor. And when I tell you that this type of behavior only gets worse in regular conversations, I mean that with all of my being.
Changing the subject is not answering the question. Attacking the other person is not answering the question. Repeating the question is not answering the question. Making up lies is not answering the question. Please, if you don’t know or can’t come up with an appropriate answer, just relay that honestly so that the conversation can either proceed in a new direction or quickly come to a halt. I promise you there will be no hard feelings.
- Come To A Halt
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Congratulations, you’ve reached the end. Hopefully you weren’t left completely baffled, or you at least walked away having learned one new thing, but if not, that’s okay. What’s important now is that you end the discussion in a nice way so that this person knows you might be open to having another conversation in the future and won’t bash you on Twitter in the next 10 minutes. The best way to do this is by thanking the person for their time and wishing them well in the future. It’s a simple and easy way to finish any conversation, and I promise you that others will remember you for it. In an era where kindness has seemingly become impossible to find, adding a little brightness to someone’s day can truly make the biggest difference.
Well, I hope that this brief guide has helped you in some way. If you’re looking for more help with civil discourse, I would highly suggest looking at the television personalities at the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, including Jordan Klepper, Hasan Minhaj and John Oliver, and on CBS Sunday Morning with Mo Rocca and Jim Gaffigan. At the time I am writing this article, the fate of our presidency is still unknown, but no matter the outcome, I would still like to thank everyone out there who voted during this election. Whether it was your first or seventieth time, just know that I’m proud of you. Your voice matters and I hope that you never forget that.