Does every relationship come to an end? Hopefully that isn’t the case – but for a large portion of them, this is true. Prepare yourself with these relationship-enders so you can spot red flags in relationships and how to steer clear! These are the 8 most common reasons why relationships come to an end:
1. Lack of Self Knowledge – You must know yourself before you try to intimately involve yourself with someone. Knowing what you want is critical for communication, because if you don’t know your own morals, values, or sexual preferences, for example – that may lead to a fallout due to a usually unsuccessful guessing game by your partner.
2. Excessive Jealousy – Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships (Knox 1999). There are two types of jealousy. “Normal Jealousy” is based on a real threat to the relationship, as when a partner discovers that the other is attracted to or involved with someone else. Then there’s “Delusional Jealousy.” This is when scenarios and actions are fabricated in the minds of the jealous partner. This type of jealousy usually stems from self-esteem and overdependence of one or both partners. This is really a no-win situation for the not jealous partner, because if and when the relationship ends, it will reaffirm all of the jealous partner’s thoughts. It will continually build and reinforce their behavior for later relationships and will repeat it all over again.
3. Ineffective Communication – Enough said. The two parties involved must be able to express what that want and how they feel. Without communication, this leads to behaviors that will eventually end the relationship.
4. Failing to Keep Promises, Lying, or Cheating – This one seems obvious right? The blatant betrayal of trust is definitely a factor that can immediately halt a relationship. But, what about failing to keep promises? This one may happen over a longer amount of time and slowly build and build on one’s patience. In agreeing to fix a problem with the relationship, both parties promise to do something different. If only one keeps that promise, the other has indeed betrayed your trust as well. This is often times easier to forgive than lying and cheating. Girls, don’t let 2nd chances turn into 7th and 8th ones.
5. Low Self-Esteem, Insecurity, and lack of Self-Confidence – People with a low self esteem often feel unworthy of the love they’re receiving and need to be reassured and reminded of it. This often leads to possessiveness and overdependence. This can make the other feel like more of a parent or counselor to the individual, thus gaining nothing from the relationship.
6. Imbalances of Decision Making Power – An equal balance of power is essential to a loving relationship. Without balance, one may seem to pull ahead and become the more dominant entity. Now, balanced power doesn’t necessarily mean deciding on every single issue together, it could also be balanced by dividing up areas and sectors of the relationship that can be governed by one of the partners.
7. Isolation – When two partners seem to seclude themselves from the world, families, and friends. They are overtaken by the pulls of romantic love – which will in turn crush the relationship. For a healthy relationship to exist, one needs family, friends, coworkers, and others to help with the many complex struggles of life. While isolated, that person becomes your only friend and that extreme dependence on one another may send the relationship in a downward spiral.
8. Controlling Behaviors – Has someone ever kept such extreme tabs on you to where you felt like you lived under a microscope? For example, checking your mileage on your car to see where you’ve driven that day. These types of controlling behaviors are a culmination of all other reasons. Controlling partners usually have low self-worth and believe that the only chance they have to continue the relationship is to block off all other possible opportunities for their partner to fall into a different or better relationship. This is usually a growing problem, and the controller’s actions become more and more intense as time goes on, actually pushing their partner away even more.
Hopefully none of you dolls ever have to experience these! But if so, know when to get out and cut your losses. There’s never an excuse for hanging on to pain, go get on with being happy. You were happy before him, so you can be happy after him.
Also, a special thanks to “Human Sexuality” by Roger R. Hock, 2010 Pearson Education, Inc.