At the end of every September, we’re always bombarded at the supermarket by pumpkin spice EVERYTHING to ring in the spooky season. I’m not the biggest fan of pumpkin, but once I saw pumpkin spice dessert hummus at Publix, I knew I had yet to see it all. I went on a quest to find the craziest pumpkin foods available at my local supermarkets, so here is my ranking from worst to best.
13. Pumpkin Pie Dessert Hummus – 0.5/5 Stars
I tried this dessert hummus with wheat thins (all my roommate had available to dip with) and it was probably the worst bite of my life. The consistency was very thick, and the flavor was very strong and almost bitter. Granted, the first ingredient is chickpeas; I figured if you put enough cinnamon in anything, you could make it taste good. Not a fan.
12. Pumpkin Spice Vegan Waffles – 0.5/5 Stars
I was looking forward to these so much. So excited to get home to have a beautifully crisp, fall tasting, brand new breakfast favorite— but I got my heart broken. These waffles tasted very bland, and had too many seeds in the middle that interrupted my daydream of a perfect waffle. To be unbiased, I tried them without syrup, which possibly could’ve helped. I will definitely leggo of this (fake) Eggo.
11. Pumpkin Pie Kit Kats – 1/5 Stars
Kit Kats are probably in my top 3 favorite chocolates, so I had high hopes for this. Surprise, surprise: these were bad. They had minimal flavor, and the outside tasted like stale white chocolate with a hint of pumpkin.
10. Pumpkin Pie Cream Cheese – 1/5 Stars
This was almost a tie with the Kit Kats, but it had a bit more pumpkin flavor so I had to bump it up. I was expecting a carrot cake flavor, since the cake is a vegetable base with cream cheese frosting (that’s not at all what I received). Simply put, it tasted like cheesecake gone bad.
9. Candy Corn Marshmallows – 2/5 Stars
No exaggeration when I tell you these tasted like nothing – straight up AIR. Yet that’s still better than the previous foods. Moving on.
8. Pumpkin Spice Oatmeal – 2/5 Stars
Thankfully, this was the first tolerable food. It exploded in the microwave as I prepared it, which is partially (okay, entirely) my fault. I made it with water instead of milk to try and get the most flavor possible, but this was definitely a mistake. I normally make oatmeal on the stove and with milk, but the water and the microwave definitely had a bad effect on the flavor. It was sticky and barely tasted like anything, just a pumpkin-y after taste.
7. Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts – 2.5/5 Stars
I surprisingly haven’t had a pop tart in years, but I do remembering being the #1 Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tart stan. I didn’t know what to expect for these, and honestly I feel neutral. They weren’t horrible, but they didn’t taste good enough for me to eat them again. Just a standard, dry, kind of cinnamon-y Pop-Tart. I miss you Hot Fudge Sundae.
6. Pumpkin Spice Milano Cookies – 3/5 Stars
This snack was difficult for me to rank. They were really good, but they tasted exactly like the original Milano cookies. Since I was looking for a different flavor, I could notice a slight difference. But if I didn’t know they had a different flavor and couldn’t see the different colored cream, I don’t think I would’ve noticed. Not what I was promised, but good (direct quote from when Chipotle workers get my delivery order wrong).
5. Pumpkin Spice Bread – 3/5 Stars
I almost ranked this lower than the Milano cookies, but to be fair, this was the first enjoyable food that had a true “Fall” flavor. The bread was soft (even after toasting) and had a yummy swirl of cinnamon, and a hint of pumpkin throughout. I tried a piece with the cream cheese and didn’t like it at first, but once I tried it alone, I realized the cream cheese was the problem.
4. Pumpkin Spice Cheerios – 3.5/5 Stars
We finally reached yummy territory! Yay! The only downside to these Cheerios is the weird aftertaste, but the first bite was magical. They remind me a lot of Honey Nut Cheerios, which is one of my favorites, but with a spice-filled coating. Definitely having these for breakfast tomorrow.
3. Pumpkin Spice Dunkin’ Donuts Latte – 4/5 Stars
Okay nobody yell at me, but I’ve actually never had the iconic PSL. I definitely want to try the OG from Starbucks, and if it’s anything like this one, I know I’m gonna love it. The coffee itself was really good, and definitely not too sweet. The pumpkin spice flavor was perfect, and yet again, the only thing that kept it from being a 5 was the aftertaste.
2. Pumpkin Spice Egg Nog – 4.5/5 Stars
If I’m being honest, I was almost as scared to try this as I was for the hummus. I’ve never had egg nog, but just the idea of having an egg-based drink scared me. Yet here we are, with the #2 ranking. This tasted almost exactly like the base of my mom’s arroz con leche (rice pudding) which is one of my favorite desserts. It’s a bit heavy to have every day, but definitely a sweet treat I will be drinking again.
1. Pumpkin Donuts – 5/5 Stars
We made it guys. My stomach (barely) survived this challenge, but was so relieved to have these. My favorite fall dessert is pumpkin bread. The smell reminds me so much of home, and the weather shifting from a gruesome 90 to a pleasant 75 that we are forced to call a “change in season.” These taste exactly like that pumpkin bread, but frosted, AKA a million times better. If I have to be nitpicky, they’re the slightest bit dry in the middle, but beautiful nonetheless. As I’m writing this the day I tried everything, the box of 8 now has 5 left (edit: 4 as I’m uploading this). I guarantee the rest will be gone within 48 hours.
And there you have it folks, I put my taste buds through a very confusing yet enjoyable time. I will definitely be brought to tears when I pass the pumpkin pie hummus on my next few grocery trips.