The opinions of the author do not reflect the views of Her Campus.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, I figured it was time to reflect on my life as a woman who has been single her whole life.
In this day and age there’s a lot more acceptance towards those who don’t make romantic relationships a priority. Those who choose to pursue a career, focus on an education, or just prefer being on their own are making valid decisions for themselves. Unfortunately, we’ve still got capitalist holidays like Valentine’s Day reminding us that having a significant other is common enough to be considered normal. Those of us who don’t conform to this particular institutionalized idea of “normal” have found strength in Galentine’s Day to celebrate the power of friendship amongst women. I’ve even heard of Palentine’s Day as a day to celebrate love for friends/pals. What a super cute idea!
Still, those of us who are single or have always been single must contend with Valentine’s Day even as we reject celebrating it. It’s always nice to get discounted chocolates the day after, but this holiday is essentially not for single people.
This year, I’m dealing with Valentine’s Day by reflecting on how far I’ve come in regards to understanding that I do not need a romantic relationship to make me happy.
A year ago I would have been embarrassed to say that I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship or dated anyone. That embarrassment has been transformed into a sense of relief.
Since I’ve never had to spend time with a significant other or spent time dating, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with so many people. I’ve had the time and energy to be a real friend to the people I care about. Some people in relationships can spend equal amounts of quality time with their friends and with their significant others. I’m simply glad that all of my time was spent with friends or with myself.
I’ve also learned how to stay committed to organizations and activities that I care about. I don’t skip my classes, meetings, or back out of responsibilities unless it’s for the sake of my health.
If I hadn’t been alone for so long, I would have missed out on consuming so much art. I simply wouldn’t have had the time to connect with myself. I can’t even begin to imagine exactly which books or artists I would not have been able to experience. I’m glad that I spent so long getting to know myself so that I can make sure I can enter into a romantic relationship with confidence when the time is right.
In short, I have no regrets about the way I’ve lived so far. I used to beat myself up about the fact that I wasn’t normal for being single. I spent too long putting myself down, and I’m not doing that anymore. I’m pursuing the things that are valuable to me, but the only reason I know what is valuable to me is because I’ve spent so long already doing these things and can’t imagine life without them.
I’ve noticed that people in relationships tend to get defensive when I tell them that I am choosing to be single. I am not condemning anyone who is in a relationship. You all are allowed to make your own decisions and to pursue what makes you happy. If me choosing to be single makes you uncomfortable, please rethink what it is that you are so upset about.
When it all comes down to it, I’m just not ready to give up all of the things that matter to me. I’m told that when I meet someone I’m interested in, it won’t feel like I’m sacrificing pieces of myself. This probably just means that I’ve never met anyone that I was truly interested in. There’s nothing wrong with me. I know what I want, and right now I’m so not down to be in a relationship.
If my person is out there, that’s great! If they aren’t out there, that’s also perfectly fine! I’ll make it with so much love and help from my friends. Plus, I’ve got myself. (And I’m pretty awesome.)