As a writer and lifelong learner, I’m always looking for opportunities to learn more about my craft and step out of my comfort zone to experiment with new forms of writing. This fall quarter, I was able to do just that. This opportunity came in the form of registering for ENL 05F, better known as Introduction to Creative Writing: Fiction. This class would serve as my first foray into writing fiction at length and critiquing other students’ writing in a formal workshop setting.
Needless to say, I was a bit terrified at the possibility of having people read my fiction and facing their judgment and criticism in real time. At least when I have my writing published online, such as on HerCampus, I had some comfort in the knowledge that there was still a barrier and a sense of secrecy that was afforded to me from the eyes of readers.
I’m an introvert by nature, which means that I prefer to keep to myself and I don’t open up very easily to people. That label also extends to how I am as a writer. I like to keep my writing to myself and I’m also not very keen on showing my written work to others, especially to those I don’t know very well. I view my writing as almost an extension or a reflection of myself. Every character I create and breathe life into, as well as particular moments that I illustrate in my fiction, has a small fragment of myself or my life experiences in them.
It was hard for me to separate my writing from myself and not take constructive criticism as a personal slight. It’s largely due to this deep intertwining connection between my writing and myself that has caused me the most grief about sharing my work with others. If I even broached the idea of showing my writing to my peers, I was immediately flooded with feelings of self-doubt and fear. I was so afraid that those who read my works would think that my writing was awful or that the subject matter I was writing about was silly. I was even more worried that readers would be able to read and look beyond my well-crafted lines to truly see who I was. In a way, by refusing to share my writing with people other than myself, I was essentially protecting myself from potential harm or scrutiny.
A few weeks ago, I shared my first short story with my ENL 05F class. I was terrified though I tried my absolute best not to show it to the circle of classmates around me. I’m pretty sure they could tell how nervous I was with how my hands shook and my voice wavered as I read the first page of my story aloud to my peers. However, as the workshop commenced and my classmates began giving me constructive criticism and feedback on my writing, my feelings of fear gradually ebbed away. In its place, I gained a sense of exhilaration and thrill from hearing others discuss my writing in detail. I felt as if my work was being heard and acknowledged by a larger audience aside from myself.
After that experience, I have come to learn that there is courage and strength in being vulnerable in front of others, whether it’s sharing your art or being open with others. I also realized that by attempting to protect myself by refusing to share my writing with others and instead remaining in my small bubble of security, I was forcing myself to stay small and unheard. By choosing to continue down this route of self-preservation, I wasn’t allowing myself to grow as a human being and a writer.
If you find yourself resonating with my story, I encourage you to have courage, dear reader. I know it can be extremely difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable and share your art with others, but hopefully hearing my words will inspire you to share in spite of this weight of vulnerability. You can do this!