On October 11, we celebrated “National Coming Out Day”, reminding ourselves that it’s important to always honor our identity in a way that makes us feel comfortable and safe. For some, it might mean going to a parade and surrounding themselves with LGBTQIA+ pride. For others, it’s living their truth while preserving their privacy from others. How you choose to celebrate your identity is completely valid and up to you! There should never be any pressure to feel like you have to be “out” to other people when you are comfortable exploring your identity privately or are happy to share it with closer people in your life.
Coming out is one of the most nerve-wracking experiences that the LGBTQIA+ community has to go through as it often symbolizes being “out” to the people you care about the most. To some, coming out can mean expressing your identity proudly to the world around you; for others, coming out is not something they wish to do, or can do. Coming out is a complex experience for everyone, as we all have different experiences with our identities and express ourselves differently. Everybody has different experiences and backgrounds that influence their mode of expression! The way we frame how each person chooses to express themselves should be centered on respect and support. So, even implying that someone needs to be “out of the closet” relies on this harmful idea that people who aren’t “out” exist within a suffocating, small box, such that freedom to be yourself only exists outside of it. There is no such thing as being trapped in “the closet”; choosing how you express your identity is liberating on its own.
To me, coming out means being myself around my friends and community in college. It also means recognizing that coming out is not a one-time thing, but something that has to happen almost every time I meet someone new. It’s exhausting having to explain my identity to others while having to answer questions that straight people wouldn’t even have to deal with. Although I feel a sense of liberty when I choose to be open about my identity to certain people, I also have to deal with constant judgment and a never-ending cycle of proving that I am queer. There is so much complexity to my identity when it comes to being open about being queer, but it always helps to know that I belong to a community that is welcoming and kind. To me, coming out is complex, as I feel comfortable being queer around my friends but cannot openly talk about my sexuality in front of my family. I don’t come out to people anymore, but I do talk about my life and identity openly with people I feel comfortable with, and sometimes talk about my sexuality with people I meet.
Whether you wish to come or not should be entirely dependent on what you feel comfortable doing. There is no right or wrong way when it comes to being part of the LQBTQIA+ community, so you now get to decide how you want to live your life. This might include being open about your identity to everyone around you, or choosing who you want to share this with. You can live authentically by just being yourself, regardless of who else you tell about your identity. There should never be any pressure to live a certain way because there is no right or wrong way to live! There is a kind of freedom that you get from just being you every single day, regardless of what everyone else expects or wants from you. Celebrate “National Coming Out Day ” with love, compassion, and kindness above all else for not just yourself, but every LGBTQIA+ person who lives authentically just by being themselves. This day can represent being open about your identity to whoever you feel comfortable sharing it with, as well as celebrating living your authentic self for yourself.