Demisexuality is a part of the asexual spectrum, defined as a person who cannot experience sexual attraction unless an emotional connection is formed with someone. This is different from allosexuals, people who experience standard, primary sexual attraction. The concept of demisexuality can be hard to grasp, but here are some general traits that may help explain the divide between demisexuals and allosexuals.
1. Not huge fans of physical touch
The majority of people prefer physical contact when getting romantically involved with someone, but with demisexuals, it can be an uncomfortable act to IMMEDIATELY start with. Making out with someone they met ten minutes ago is heavily unappealing compared to grabbing In-and-Out, driving up to a vast field, and stargazing while talking for hours about their traumas, dreams, and goals. Demis require a heart-to-heart connection before physical intimacy is desired, and there is no better way of understanding a person’s heart than through long conversations or shared activities.
2. Strong distaste towards hookup culture
Like mixing water with oil, demis struggle to find the thrill of having sex with a random person. Without that personal connection, sex just becomes a pointless act. Sex requires both physical and psychological arousal, and for demis, it can become especially difficult to be psychologically aroused over a person they barely know the name of.
3. Crushing on fictional characters/friends more than celebrities or “hot” strangers
For demisexuals, looks have very little weight on sexual attraction. This is why they simply don’t understand games like “smash or pass” or “kill marry f*ck.” You could bring over the “sexiest” human being in the UNIVERSE and no demisexual could feel a burning passion for them. With friends or fictional characters, demis are given the chance to understand their nature, and falling for their nature can be the trigger to intense physical desire.
4. Making love > sex
When demisexuals tap into their physical attractions, it’s not like their emotional side goes out the door and all that’s left is a horny animal. For some, the need for emotional connection can continue throughout the actual act, where they prefer love making rather than pure, hardcore sex. Demisexuals may view sex as its own form of emotionally connecting with someone, but only for enhancing a connection that has already been formed.
It is very important to consider that every individual is unique. Not every demisexual will relate to these statements and a plethora of allosexuals can wholeheartedly relate. Additionally, this is not a comprehensive list of EVERY trait a demisexual may possess; the point here is to shed light on how some demisexuals could express their sexualities. Ultimately, sexuality is a spectrum. Everyone fits in somewhere in the rainbow, and every label in such a rainbow should be approached with the utmost empathy and open-mindedness.