I didn’t think I’d have to write this, and yet here we are.
I feel like lots of newly graduated high school seniors/college students go into their first year of being away from their best friends with unrealistic expectations. Long distance couples start the school year thinking they’ll still be kissing under the mistletoe at Christmas. BFFs make plans in August for Friendsgiving come November. No one wants to entertain the possible reality that the friend who enters university will not leave entirely unchanged.
Now, I will admit that I fell into this trap in August, when my best friend left for her out of state adventure in Boulder, Colorado. It was weird saying goodbye because high school had brought us so close together, but we knew that we’d be able to catch up at Thanksgiving, even if it was only for a few days. In addition, thanks to social media, we still get to glimpse into each other’s lives and talk with one another.
Image source: Pexels
I am happy to say that I do talk with my Boulder bestie every single day. Second to my mom, she is the person that I call and text the most. I called her my first night after moving in when I was homesick, and many more times when I was going through sorority recruitment. She was the first person I texted when I got an A on my first big assignment and the one that I gush to about how happy I am here at Davis. It didn’t matter when we didn’t see each other over winter break because we still were talking five times a day without fail.
Image source: Pexels
You, on the other hand, are an entirely different story.
I hope you remember all the wonderful memories that we have. I hope you remember texting me incessantly about hanging out the summer before senior year of high school. I hope you remember that I caved in and split my time between work, you, and my family. I hope you remember spending every morning of senior year in my passenger seat in the parking lot before classes. I hope you remember the fun times we had this summer when you weren’t preoccupied with work or school. There didn’t seem to be as many because we were both so busy.
I hope you know that I miss you. A lot. I miss your bad jokes and your smile and your sarcasm. I miss your terrible driving and your music and your stories. I miss sharing funny anecdotes about our summer jobs. I miss you dramatically rolling your eyes whenever I corrected your grammar.
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So maybe you can understand why when I think of these things to remind myself of home, I wonder if you miss me at all too. I didn’t think that we’d be here, two quarters into our first years at different schools, with radio silence on your end. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not waiting by the phone constantly to hear from you, but sometimes I glance at my messages after I’ve sent a text and wonder if I’m better off removing you from my life completely. Because if you’re not making an effort, why should I?
But maybe you’re doing just fine. Maybe you’re drowning in homework and midterms and finals like every other college student. Maybe you’re living it up with your roommates every weekend at frat parties and football games. Maybe you do miss me, but you want to move on from the people you knew in high school. Maybe I’ve been pushed out of your mind because you’ve found someone new. Maybe we’ll become strangers in each other’s lives, letting life separate us from one another.
I wish I knew.
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