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Let Him Miss You: The Art of Being Assertive without Being Obsessive

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UCD chapter.
 
We are living in a new age. In today’s world, women are equals with men. We are able to ask guys out, make the first move, and say how we feel. We no longer have to wait for the guys to be the aggressors. If we want something, we have the power to go after it. However, there’s a fine line between going after what you want and going overboard. One message we need to remember in the fuss of trying to be a girl in the 21st Century is: let him miss you!

Invite him to hang out with your friends… when you’re doing something he’d enjoy doing.  Inviting him to watch Sex and the City with you and your girl friends is not something he’ll want to do. You’ve set yourself up for rejection. Of course he’ll “take a rain check,” which really means: “why would you even ask me to do that?/never going to happen” You don’t need to be with him 24/7.  It’s totally acceptable, in fact encouraged, to have some girl time. Hang out with your friends without him. This gives him the opportunity to hang out with his guy friends and discuss how lucky he is to be dating you (or have you, if you’re already together).

Surprise him… once in a while. Surprising him all the time will no longer be a surprise, it will be a given. He will come to expect you to do these little things and might even be upset when you stop doing them. If you’re constantly surprising him with little things, he might start to feel insecure about himself. It’s hard to enjoy always getting gifts when you can’t reciprocate all the time. It can even turn into an unnecessary competition that can create problems with your relationship.

Boys like if they’re not always the one to initiate. Text him first… every once in a while.  Texting him all the time makes you appear needy. You do NOT want to be known as a Stage 5 Clinger! He will quickly get annoyed at your incessant texts and bored of how easily he can have you. He will want to move on to someone who is harder to catch, someone who is confident enough to not need him.  

Although nobody likes games, we all need to play the game a little. Make sure there is “enough time” between your texts. The time between your texts (as in text conversations) will allow him to think about you, and therefore miss you. It adds an air of mystery to who you are because it will cause him to wonder who you’re with and what you’re doing when you’re not with or informing him. Disclaimer: this is not referring to the time it takes for you to respond to his texts.  

In regards to that, do not follow the once “Golden Rule” that you have to wait just as long or longer than the amount of time it took him to respond to you. Things come up and people are busy, you included. For example, if he texts you while you’re taking a midterm, hopefully you won’t respond until your midterm is over. That doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t have texted him back right away had you not been in a different situation. The same can be true of him. Just because he doesn’t text you immediately after his phone receives your message does not mean that he isn’t interested. It means that he’s busy and has a life! These are qualities that you want in a boy. You want him to be involved, have friends, and do things; otherwise his life will quickly consume yours (and that will quickly become obnoxious).

Now is the time to master the art of being assertive without being obsessive. It is important not to smother him into thinking you are too easy to get and overbearing. That being said, don’t be afraid to make some sort of move. It is equally as important to show that you are interested so he won’t move on to someone who he believes is actually attainable.

http://lifeisabeautifulride.xanga.com/743894830/if-you-want-it-heres-my-heart/

http://suitesculturelles.wordpress.com/2011/03/16/sex-and-the-city/

http://www.srijn.com/boyfriend-birthday-gift-ideas/

http://trickumlegis.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/5-signs-youre-a-stage-5-clinger/

http://nuraihanmalik.blogspot.com/2011/07/loves-truly.html

Jessica is currently studying Graphic Design and Psychology at UC Davis. She hopes to one day move to New York and work for a fashion or fitness magazine. When she is not dreaming about her life in New York, she is either running, watching shows on hulu, socializing or baking cupcakes. She loves anything that will make her laugh, sunny days  and everything purple!