Living in college housing, we’ve all had to deal with difficult living situations and conflict between roommates. It is impossible for people to spend hours together each day and not run into problems, and it is hard to see eye-to-eye in every situation. I have compiled a list of conflict resolution styles and how they are used to deal with problems, keeping in mind that no one style is always the right answer.
First and foremost is the avoidance style. This one is easy to unpack because it is right in the name. People using this style often avoid the conflict they are facing. This can include refusing to discuss a problem or even acknowledging its existence. Avoidance is often used to de-escalate situations and to take a step back and reassess what is going on. Although some believe that this is similar to running away from problems, it can also be a way to keep peace in relationships and avoid upsetting others.
One style I often employ is the accommodating style, in which the two parties are able to communicate about the situation but one side is accommodating to the other’s needs. This is not equal to compromise since both parties are not being treated equally. Similar to avoidance, this approach often protects people’s feelings and resolves a situation with only one person walking away satisfied with the agreement reached.
The most explosive approach is competing. As the name suggests, the two parties actively defend their own perspective and believe they are right. This approach is important at times because it ensures both sides are heard and represented in the argument, without having to repress certain feelings toward the issue. It does, however, lead to negative feelings and words said in the heat of the moment that people do not mean. It also further escalates the conflict and stretches it out because of the longer time it takes to come to a conclusion.
The last strategy is to sit down and work it out. In other words, collaborate to find a solution. In my opinion, this one works the best in most situations. It allows both sides to be heard and understand each other so that they can work together to reach an optimal solution where they are both happy, effectively ending the conflict. This approach seems easy enough in theory, but in practice it can be difficult because it is often the hardest to do. It is difficult for us to approach our close friends and have an honest conversation because we are generally scared of the outcome.
Any of these conflict styles are appropriate depending on the situation. It is hard to think about our problems head-on and be vulnerable. It is especially difficult when we are dealing with someone that we care about very much, but it is these difficult conversations that bring people closer together. So next time you have a problem with a housemate or even your siblings, step back for a second and consider how you want to approach the situation. There is no wrong answer here; whichever one you choose, be prepared to deal with the consequences and know that at the end of the day, it is always important to be honest with yourself.