If Noah Webster had attended college during the twenty-first century, I am sure that he would have included the above definition in his dictionary. This little phrase is usually followed by a big dose of embarrassment. What is the recipe for such humiliation? First, you take a little (or a lot of) alcohol and mix it with technology, add a dash of impulsive decision-making and presto! You have successfully created a drunken technological slip-up.
Don’t drink and dial. Don’t drink and text. Don’t drink and facebook. At all costs you must avoid a TUI: Technology Under the Influence. When you operate a piece of technology under the influence, you are putting yourself and others in danger—of embarrassment. Although it may only be your ego that is bruised the next day, the result will be the same as every drunken mistake: a wish for a rewind button. Unfortunately no matter how many “undo” buttons there are in our hi-tech world they have yet to make one for cell phones and facebook. Even those hideous party pictures your friend took of you (the ones that could double for a mug shot) can only be untagged to a certain extent. Maybe it is karma’s sneaky way of getting back at us, but for whatever reason, we must try to keep this fact in mind before we pound back our next shot.
A majority of college students, including myself, currently suffer from “intoxicated facebook” syndrome. I recently got the iPhone 4 and am so fascinated with my facebook app that I continuously test it out when I have been drinking. Honestly, this is even more dangerous than texting or dialing because when you choose to post something inebriated, the rest of the facebook world has the privilege to see it. Forget the drunken texts—I drunkenly update my status.
The day I posted my first intoxicated status update will be a day to remember. I had just returned home from a party, and decided that instead of going to bed like a normal individual, I would check my facebook. As I log on, I notice my status looking pretty empty. It is at that same moment that I see four alluring words: “What’s on your mind?” Of course I can’t be rude and ignore the inquiry, so I politely make sure to type in my response.
The next morning I wake up to what I think is a reoccurring text message. However, the insistent alerts I was receiving were facebook notifications. Groggily, I grab for my laptop and see what all the fuss is about. At that moment, no memory of my activity from the previous night was absolute (except for my vodka). I should have taken the notifications for what they actually are–little red flags.
I cringe as I see the repeated “likes” and my confused friends’ comments. I finally get up the courage to see what I wrote and there it is. From what appears to be the result of a fight with my keyboard (where clearly the keyboard won), I had produced the following incoherent status:
“asdjnwur Deeeeerunk statussssss I loovfghse 151 shotssa!”
The only thing I give myself credit for is that I was able to correctly get across the point that this was, indeed, a drunken status. Other than that, I was quite humiliated.
The next week, I started to think more and more about the reason for my drunken facebook habits. Was I updating because I was bored? Was I trying to inform the rest of the world about my intoxicated state? Was it a subconscious cry for attention? Whatever the case, I knew that this was going to be a dangerous technological upgrade from drunken texting and dialing.
My drunken facebook tendencies have left me questioning the reasons for any sort of inebriated technology activities. Why is it that we feel the need to contact certain individuals when we have been drinking? Sure, our judgment is clouded by more than enough alcohol, but I feel that there is a deeper logic behind the madness. I think that when we are drunk, we have a false sense of empowerment. When we are sober, more fears and insecurities prevent us from doing many things we would like to do, and we find a way to ignore our impulses whether it is to contact a crush, best friend, or acquaintance.
Each time I decide to update these statuses, I end up taking the technological “walk of shame” the following morning; after catching a glimpse of my disheveled facebook activity, everyone knows I have been out partying. Take it from me, as an infamous intoxicated serial status updater, when I say put your phones, laptops and computers away when you have been drinking. At the time, you may feel the need to be an overly social butterfly, but I guarantee the next morning your rash decision-making (along with your hangover) will leave you wanting to curl up inside a cocoon to avoid the inevitable embarrassment. So next time you happen to log onto facebook and see another one of my intoxicated status attempts, please make sure to leave me the following comment: “Liz, we really don’t need to know what’s on your mind.”