Much of my childhood was spent resenting my mother. Through all the school events, performances, and milestones she was absent for, I felt all the more reason to blame her for not being there for me. I wished she could be like the other moms who baked cookies for the class, could engage in casual conversations with the teacher, and embody the white picket fence family. High school put even more of a strain on our relationship, as I felt constant pressure from her to get into a good college and make her proud.
As I started college and physically distanced myself from her, we ended up getting closer than ever. She had more time to relax now that she didn’t need to keep up with my extracurriculars, and I got hindsight about our relationship that I wish I had before. Yes, it sucks to not have your mom by your side sometimes, and you may feel forgotten. But I had failed to notice just how much she was sacrificing for me behind the scenes.
When I was angry at her for not showing up for me, she was working to make enough money to continue sending me to a private school because she valued my education more than anything. She picked up any other side job to be able to afford groceries for our family and to buy me the trendy clothes I wanted so I could feel cool around my peers. When she first immigrated from South Korea to the United States with no money, friends, and family from her side, that was the biggest leap of faith she made for her children. I cannot imagine making such a life-altering decision for an unclear future, and to this day am infinitely grateful for my mom’s bravery.
My mom may have been overbearing at times and not as affectionate as I would have liked, but she had her own ways of expressing her love for me. Giving me sliced fruit, making sure I got to try every instrument and sport I wanted to, and never making me feel guilty for a bad grade were her attempts at supporting me. Once I understood this and put more effort on my end to be openly affectionate, she began to warm up more and now doesn’t end a Facetime call without giving me a finger heart.
The relationship between immigrant mothers and daughters is unexplainable, but one thing is clear: they share an unspoken bond that cannot be broken. Although it took me growing up to realize, I value the life-long friendship my mom and I have built over the years. She has taught me so much about compassion, hard work, and always reminds me it is okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. My only hope is that I can do my best to repay a fraction of what she does for me, and I am devoted to passing on her wisdom to my future daughter. Thank you mom for all that you do every day, and I love you!