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We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve

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I went out with this boy for 2 months (but I have known him all my life. He’s a year younger than me). He broke up with me. He told me that he needed to be single for a while and that he still loved me. I stopped talking to him for a while but then we started again and I ended up having sex with him. The day we had sex he stopped talking to me again and started going out with my best friend. Soon after, he found out that I liked this other boy. I started getting close to this other guy so my ex came and tried to get me to fall for him again. I refused and I started going out with a totally new boy. My ex just found out that I’m dating this new boy days ago. So now after not having talked to me for weeks, he asked me to come over his house. I asked for what, and he said just to chill, so I didn’t reply. What should I do? Should I go over there or what?
P.S- He broke my heart when he broke up with me through a text message. I was crying for 3 hours straight and then when we started talking again. I poured my heart out to him and I guess he didn’t care IDK.

Dear Secretly-dyinngg, 
Do not. I repeat DO NOT go back crawling back to this guy. You even acknowledge the fact that he broke your heart, so why would you want to give him the time of day? You wrote that you went out with a “boy” and that’s exactly what he is. Ditch the boy and go find yourself a man. There are plenty of guys out there who will treat you much better then the schmuck that unfortunately stole your heart. It’s weird how people know that sometimes they’re in a relationship where they aren’t being treated right but yet they continue to stay in that relationship. I guess this can only be properly explained by Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower quote: “we accept the love we think we deserve.”  

Here are a few tips that might help you to get over him:

Quit Him Cold Turkey!
Don’t answer his texts, his phone calls, his Facebook messages, IM’s, or anything. If you see him, don’t acknowledge him (I know that sounds like a really immature thing to do, but a girls got to do what a girls got to do). Delete his old texts, throw away anything that he gave you, get rid of all the evidence of you ever having met him. And most importantly don’t mention him to your friends and don’t talk about him in general. He needs to know that you no longer care about him, and he’ll get the hint.

Re-Evaluate Your Friendships
You mentioned that after you slept with him, he went and got with your best friend. Why aren’t you more concerned about this? A true friend would only have your best interest at heart. She wouldn’t hook-up with a guy who just broke your heart. Take the time to re-evaluate the people who you call your “friends”. Ditch the people who are out to hurt you, and you’ll see that it will take a huge load off your shoulders.

Time Out!
Take some time to figure out who you are and what you want from future relationships. It seems like these other guys that you’re going out with are serving as your rebounds. Jumping from relationship to relationship isn’t doing you any good. Take a break from it all to simply focus on yourself. It seems like you’ve been through quite an emotional roller coaster. Take a time out and re-focus your energy on yourself.

In the end, what you chose to do truly depends on you. But always keep in mind that you deserve the best, and that you should never settle for someone who doesn’t treat you right.  

Stay Strong,
XOXO Annie

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