A big part of college are all the parties everyone attends.
People go to random houses and drink things that strangers mix up for them.
If you’ve ever been the only sober one at the party, the experience is completely different. Plus, you’re able to remember it the next day.
Here are the events any sober person will experience at a party, most likely 3 times and most likely while having their space invaded.
Host: “Do you want a drink? Oh my god you don’t drink! WOW!” (Walks away without offering anything nonalcoholic.)
“So you’re sober? Are you even having any fun?” I was until you asked that stupid question.
“This party must be so boring since you’re not drinking.”
You can always count on the most drunk individuals to express their love to you. Even if you’ve never met them, and especially if they usually talk negatively about you.
You make it your responsibility to make sure your friends don’t start drunk dialing exes.
Keep them away from their phones!
It is also up to you, as the only sober one, to make sure they don’t decide to pee in undesignated areas.
Hair holding is so much more disgusting when you are fully aware that chunks of vomit are flying in all directions.
As the only sober person, you are the only one who cares that there is a person completely unconscious lying somewhere. You check to make sure they are breathing, and then wonder if you would be considered an accomplice if they aren’t in fact breathing.
Everyone’s stories are infinitely more boring without being intoxicated and some just will make you want to walk away.
“Yeah I’m not drinking tonight. No I’m not an alcoholic, I just don’t drink.”
Soberness makes you keep in mind everything Law and Order SVU has taught you. Number one being don’t walk off with strangers! What would Olivia think?!
“Where is she going, we don’t even know that guy!!”
Herding your drunk friends is like herding a group of cattle. Plus you’re forced to hear complaints about their feet hurting, being cold and whatever guy recently broke their heart.
Being the only sober one at a party basically makes you as agile as a figure skater, while everyone around you acts like a white person in an infomercial.
Sober people at the party stop fights about once every 10 songs.
Having to refuse shots constantly from the person you already explained you aren’t drinking to.
Being aware of the couple who is basically having sex on the dancefloor, the only comedic relief for the night.
Feeling someone sweat on you and not being drunk enough to ignore how repulsive it felt.
Driving everyone home while yelling about seat belts the entire way. But because you care about your friends you agree to go out next weekend.