With it being finals week and all, like any regular collegiette, I’m spending a lot of time on my computer. I should probably be focusing on the tabs that have an empty word document itching to reach 20 pages of writing or maybe the study guide for my feminist theory class. Instead I find myself getting distracted by reading blogs that are in no way helping me stay focused or review for my exams. I came across an article on Thought Catalog titled 19 Truths About Girlfriends during my marathon procrastination session. Being a lover of blog posts that use stereotypes and over generalizations because usually they’re at least giggle worthy, I ended up reading the article.
Thinking it was cute I bookmarked it to share with a friend and proceeded to try to move on with my life. In an effort to close the tab my computer decided to be a brat like always and scroll down instead, and what I found where the angriest, most offended comments on the internet. There was an all out internet war, the best kind in my opinion. Knowing that the readers here at Her Campus are about a trillion times more laid back and willing to appreciate an article for what it is (a joke), I decided to do a response for this week’s Midweek Study Break. With a complete lack of f*cks left to give about finals week, let’s instead talk about the 19 truths about boyfriends.
1. Don’t be fooled when asked to play video games together. He will either 1) Get annoyed at your inability to learn the fight sequences or 2) Do better than you and take over the game controller. (Hog.)
2. Be prepared for him to mention last minute plans, then hear him complain while you scramble to get ready.
3. Don’t let boyfriends touch your laptop unless you want to hear the speech of how you need to backup your files, update your antivirus software and stop using that “outdated” browser.
4. He will pick a movie, decide it sucks 15 minutes in, then refuse to pause it and pick something else on the basis that the he already decided this was being watched that night. If only they took relationship commitments this seriously.
5. No boyfriend will let you pluck his eyebrows. Let it go.
6. Boyfriends are always down for seconds and always happy to finish your leftovers.
7. When asked for fashion advice dresses are the only things that come to their minds, specifically single layer cotton ones. I don’t know why, they just like them for some reason.
8. A boyfriend’s desire to carry your heavy grocery bags increases by 200% when around other people. Especially other men.
9. Boyfriends will rub in your face the few dishes they can cook. Excuse me Martha Stewart.
10. When asking you “Why are you crying?” they probably have no clue why you are actually crying.
11. Boyfriends are amazed by all the things we can carry in our purse, and if they get close enough to you, will start storing things in there too.
12. Boyfriends don’t talk about you to friends beyond the initial question, “Did you have sex?” Men aren’t as nosy as us.
13. Boyfriends have a secret hair brushing fetish. Test it, ask any boyfriend to brush your hair. The first time they’ll act all awkward and confused, next time they’ll practically rip the brush out of your hands for the chance to brush your silky locks.
14. All guys have a morning ritual. Watching a YouTube video, reading GamesStop’s website, and eating a bowl of oats. They all have one, it’s just your job to figure it out.
15. Boyfriends aren’t having sex with you while on your period because you aren’t having sex on your period. It’s a thing, it’s happening all around us. Trust me.
16. Boyfriends notice when we leave things behind. Bobby pins, hair ties, an earring, nothing gets past them. And they will always inevitably mentally punch us by saying “Oh, you left these 23 hair pins in my room, I thought you might need them.”
17. Their version of dressing up is the same outfit as always but with some cologne.
18. Boyfriends will watch porn, lesbian porn almost always. No he does not want to marry that lesbian, and yes, he thinks they really are lesbians.
19. Boyfriends will never understand why we straighten our hair just to curl it. It’s rocket science to them.