Spoiler Alerts for Grey’s Anatomy
The longest running medical drama on television, Grey’s Anatomy, is set to premiere its 20th season on March 14th and in celebration of this milestone I thought it would be a great time to admit a horrible truth: Derek Shepherd sucked. This revelation is coming from a person who was truly obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, especially Meredith and Derek’s relationship aka “Merder” (not the best ship name to be honest), so much so that when Derek died I had to stop watching. Eventually the show pulled me back in, and I began the first of many rewatches (still never getting past Derek’s demise); however, it was during my rewatching that I began to notice the many, many red flags of Derek Shepherd.
- Derek suffers from “nice guy syndrome”
Who can forget Addison’s iconic “I’m not Meredith Grey” speech, especially when she says what everyone else was thinking, “you pretend to love me but really you’re just using me to fill some need you have to be a good guy?” Derek views himself as a good guy, a nice guy, yet his actions do not reflect that. He lies, he cheats, and he strings multiple women along in order to not hurt their feelings. What makes Derek a victim of nice guy syndrome is that he expects a certain reaction from women even when he actually isn’t nice. He expects Meredith to forgive him for not telling her he was married, and he expects Addison to accept being neglected and ignored. At the end of the day Derek is a classic example of nice guy syndrome specifically the “false persona nice guy,” which according to Choosing Therapy is when “he is so intent on pleasing people that he will often tell you whatever you want to hear.” Not cool Derek.
- Once a cheater always a cheater
After years of being on again, off again, knowing looks across the OR, and scandalous affairs in the elevator, Meredith and Derek finally get “married” via post-it in season five (they get legally married in season 7). All in all they have a good marriage, until things begin to break down which ultimately leads to Derek kissing another woman in season 11. Derek immediately flies home to save his marriage. Meredith forgives him, but just remember ladies, if he cheated once, he’ll probably cheat again.
- Derek did not support Meredith’s career ambitions
One of the reasons Merder almost divorced in season 11 (besides the cheating) was because Derek was not supportive of Meredith as her career was taking off. Meredith was becoming a truly excellent and established surgeon. At the same time, Derek also had a big career opportunity and instead of trying to come up with a compromise so both he and Meredith could enjoy their success, he wanted to move away, and have Meredith find a new job. He only cared about himself and as Meredith says, “you will always be that hot shot surgeon, and I’ll always be that intern that fell in love with you.”
- Derek slut shamed Meredith
Whenever Derek and Meredith were not together and Meredith was seeing other people, Derek would get insanely jealous, to the point where he slut shames Meredith. His slut shaming of her is particularly upsetting because he had initially said they were friends and she could tell him anything. Wrong. As soon as Meredith confided in him, he completely let her down. Thankfully, Meredith stood up for herself and we got to see the performance of a lifetime that was the “you don’t get to call me a wh*re” speech (Seriously, where was Ellen Pompeo’s Emmy?). Meredith may have been able to forgive and forget, but true Grey’s Anatomy fans haven’t.
- Derek thinks he is always right
When Derek’s mom comes to visit him and Meredith she tells her son she likes Meredith because she doesn’t see things in black and white like he does. Derek’s mom is correct; he often believes he is always right, and is very stubborn. This caused so many problems between him and Meredith. If Meredith did something he did not agree with, he would judge her extremely harshly. They say opposites attract, but Derek and Meredith’s opposite personalities led to some of their biggest fights and Meredith was always more understanding of Derek’s mindset than he was of hers. It’s Mcdreamy’s way or nothing.
Honestly, this article could go on and on about how horrible Derek was, but I don’t want to tarnish his name anymore. I won’t talk about how he basically broke up with Meredith after she was in the drowning accident, or when he threw the engagement ring he got her into the woods, or when he told her she was emotionally broken, or when he didn’t give her credit for their clinical trial, or when he flirted with another woman at Joe’s bar and told Meredith it was the highlight of his week (that woman ended up being Meredith’s sister, by the way). No, I won’t go on, he is dead after all. So the next time you watch Grey’s Anatomy maybe consider Dr. Shepherd is not that great, and as the legend that is Dr. Christina Yang said, “he’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun…you are”.