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Advice I Wish Someone Would Have Given Me

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UC Riverside chapter.



I think we do ourselves and our friends a huge disfavor when we encourage something that clearly isn’t there. Yes, it is easier to observe someone else’s relationship from a completely objective third party perspective. But truth be told, it’s very hard to see something that is right before you, especially if you don’t want to believe it. Why is it that when we are the one’s vying for someone else’s affections we become completely blinded by reality and we totally disregard everything around us. The guy can be a total jerk to you and yet you don’t realize that he is being so because he doesn’t like you. “If the guy wants to be with you he will do whatever it takes to make something happen” (as quoted in He’s Just Not That Into You). And as friends of the people who are so obviously blinded, why do we continue to give false hope when we all know that the man of your friends’ affections doesn’t feel the same way. Yet we continue to feed our friends with the excuses that they want to hear. “He’s only being mean to you because he likes you”, ”He didn’t text you back because he’s too busy studying, but you two are meant to be!”, “He doesn’t talk to you because he’s shy. But don’t worry he likes you!!”


Sometimes I wonder if we as friends and as the ones who are crush stricken realize the insensitivity in these truths. Do we say these things because we want to feel better, or because we don’t want to lose hope in love? As someone who has been on both ends, I would like to finally take a stand. I don’t want my friends to lie to me and tell me that the guy that I’m crushing on likes me when it isn’t true. Although reality is harsh and cruel, it’s better to face the truth early on rather than be strung along by your own self delusion. Yes, we all want our friends to be happy and to date the guy of their dreams. But what if with these lies we are hindering them from doing so? Don’t get me wrong, I too have given false hope to myself (everyday) and friends several times. But I have finally come to the realization that I am doing everyone a great disservice by doing so. Instead of encouraging yourself and others to cling onto someone who doesn’t like you, maybe we should take the time to see that there is someone out there who will appreciate you for being you. Someone who will make it clear to you that they like you, and you will no longer need that reassurance from your friends. I think that deep down inside when you know that the guy you like likes you back you don’t need someone to confirm it. And who knows, maybe the guy you are meant to be with has been there all along and your affections need to be refocused on someone who is as into you as you are into them.

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Nicole Martinez

UC Riverside

Nicole is a senior at UC Riverside where she is majoring in Media and Culture studies. She co-founded the Her Campus UC Riverside chapter her sophomore year in college. She loves to spend her free time watching The Mindy Project, Girls, Pretty Little Liars, and other shows with leading ladies. She also dabbles on tumblr, instagram (obviwearetheladies), and twitter. Mindy Kailing and Shoshanna are her spirit animals and in the near future she hopes to achieve elite status on Yelp, pursue a career in Public Relations and ultimately conquer the world.