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12 Step Program to Getting Over a Guy

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UC Riverside chapter.

We’ve all been there. Rejection. A nine letter word that causes even the most confident of girls to question and analyze every move they’ve made in their entire relationship. It happens to the best of us, and most of the time we don’t even see it coming. We seek help from friends, try to get it out of our minds by singing “Someone Like You” in front of the mirror enough times to fill in for Adele at the next Grammys.

Getting over a guy isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter if it was never official or if the flirtationship only lasted two weeks. In love or not, every guy who crosses our path is going to leave a mark. How is a girl supposed to get used to not waking up to a daily good morning text? Do you mean to tell me our trips to McDonalds at 1 a.m. are no longer happening? In my opinion, there should be a mandatory weaning off process, at least that would make the attention withdrawals a bit more bearable.

Not to sound like a snob, but I’ve had enough boyfriends/flings/make out buddies to have developed a surefire method of getting over a guy. Think of it like a 12-step program, except the goal is to let go of what you once had with a boy and move on. Not to be confused with having moved on, but still quietly waiting for the perfect moment to take your revenge. (Guilty of that one, but hey, even I’m not perfect!) By the end of these 12 steps, you would have hopefully stopped spontaneously crying throughout the day and wishing your ex would be found guilty of academic dishonesty and kicked out of school.

1. Cut off All Contact
This is the most important step of all, but also the most difficult. Going from talking to someone on a regular basis to not at all is going to be very painful, but trust me, after three days it gets so easy. So just make sure to hold out on any contact for three whole days! To do this effectively, do not text, call, e-mail Facebook message,send a fax or any other crazy idea that will pass through your brokenhearted head. And just because I didn’t include something ridiculous like a handwritten letter on the list does not justify the fact that you should take that route. To make this easier, delete him from your contacts. If you really want to save his number, write it down somewhere else. You don’t have to delete him on Facebook, but at least unsubscribe from his updates for a while. Also, go offline to him specifically — this will save you the hurt feelings when both of you are online and he doesn’t shoot you a message.

2. Eat Your Feelings
Warning! This step takes preparation! One does not simply spend a whole weekend crying his or her eyes out without any type of planning. Movies need to be rented, candy needs to be bought, the freezer needs to be stocked with ice cream! After all this has been done, put on your biggest t-shirt and favorite pajama pants and just crawl into bed. Then it’s just you, your bowl of popcorn, and a Nicholas Sparks movie. Don’t listen to those people who say, “Don’t watch The Notebook after after a break-up.” How am I expected to get the tears flowing? Plus, Ryan Gosling’s body is beautiful enough to make me forget about any guy!
3. Clean Your Room
Step three serves for three purposes, ironic huh? First, it gets you to clean that excuse you call a bedroom. Second, if you’re not the neatest person on Earth, it’ll keep you busy for a while, hence give you something to do while desperately trying to stick to step 1. And third, while cleaning your room you can hide or dispose all evidence of this relationship ever happening. Nothing makes you not get over a guy than periodically smelling that sweater he forgot he left at your place.

4.Playlists Playlists Playlists
Make one for when you’re sad. Make one for when you’re pissed off. Heck, make one for when you feel like dancing around in your underwear! Nothing helps more than a playlist. Here are some of my suggestions. If you’re sad, go for some Taylor Swift, Adele, and Alanis Morissette. Are you mad? Nothing beats Taylor’s “Better Than Revenge” and Beyonce’s “Best Thing I Never Had” and “Irreplaceable.” Want to celebrate your new single self? Look no further than to the classic “Single Ladies.” Also worth a mention is anything by Nicki Minaj. You’ll be too busy trying to keep up with her lyrics to think about how that jerk hurt you.

5. Spill All the Details
This step will make you feel so much better. If you’re like me, then you like to bottle things up until you can’t handle them anymore and completely lose it. How else would I explain randomly buying two hamsters? Call a close friend and just tell them everything! Every. Last. Detail. From how you first started talking to the last thing you said to the guy. By spilling the beans, you’ll find out a lot you didn’t even know you knew. I discovered I had been sensing a break-up days before it happened and that he wasn’t all I made him up to be.

6. Make A List
It’s as simple as it sounds. Just grab a pen a piece of paper and bullet point all the reasons why he sucks. Feel free to list reasons why you don’t like him as a person or just small things that always bugged you about him. Here’s an example, let’s call my ex John. John just didn’t love dogs as much as I wanted him to and he put way too much ketchup on his french fries. Sorry John, but the truth hurts. You can even go more in depth and list all the reasons why it wouldn’t have worked long term. Take a look at this list and read it all the way through when you find yourself considering breaking rule one.
7. Do Some Good
Nothing makes you feel better than helping other people. This could range from volunteering at a soup kitchen or just cleaning out your closet and donating anything you’re not that into anymore. If you want to be awesome like me, you can sign up for a marathon or a 5K run. Many donate part of the proceeds to local charities, so you would be doing something good while having fun at the same time.

8. Plan A Trip
This trip can be as big or small as you’d like. It would probably be a lot easier to just get some friends to decide on a date to visit a nearby beach, but why not go all out?According to Drake, you only live once. That’s the motto, right? Have you considered studying abroad? Even if you’re not sure, visit an information session. They have a wide variety of programs, enough to work with anyone’s budget and schedule.

9. Treat Yourself to Something
Nothing is more therapeutic than a spontaneous trip to the mall. And with the Tyler Mall’s humongous Forever 21, you’re sure to find something you want. I suggest not buying something you always go for like a tank or pair of jeans. Be daring and buy something that goes along with a current trend. I’m currently waiting for my high-low skirt to come in the mail. Believe me, I felt so much happier when I clicked confirm order. Just imagine how happy I’ll be when the package arrives!

10. Say Cheese
Take an adorable new profile picture. Extra points if your shower doors or television aren’t in the background, meaning you were out having a life when the photo was taken. Now every time you update your status, he and every other single guy friend can see your adorable face next to your witty status. Genius? I think so.
11. Find Someone New to Love
I have a strange habit of buying a new pet every time I break up with a guy. I have no idea when this started or even why, but I do know it works. Buying a new pet gives you something new to focus on. I’m the new happy owner of two adorable miniature hamsters and let me just say, I regret nothing. Pets love you unconditionally. I mean, you are the ones who provide the most important thing in life for them….food!

12. Dress to Impress
In the words of Kimora Lee Simmons, “Always dress like you’re going to see your worst enemy, ” In this case, it’s your ex. Not only will wearing a fabulous outfit save you from the embarrassment of running into him in jeans and a hoodie, it’s also been scientifically proven that wearing a cute outfit will put you in a better mood. Well, I might have just made that up, but it made sense in my head. Step away from the hoodies and resist the urge to wear a messy bun, throw on a cute summer dress and enjoy this beautiful weather we’ve been having.

So there you go ladies, my 12 step program to getting over a guy. Remember that every relationship is different, some of you might be able recover in a week while for others it might take months. I’ve had relationships where the next week I was back to normal and then one in particular that took years of stupid decisions on my part to finally be able to let go. The important thing is to let go of the negative feelings you feel towards a person, even if that means they are now just somebody that you used to know. 

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Rubi Mancilla

UC Riverside

Rubi Mancilla is a fourth year studying Psychology and Women's Studies at UC Riverside. She decided to double major because at the time it seemed like she was getting two degrees for the price of one, the ultimate sale! She writes about relationships, how to spend a Friday night at home, being a confused twenty-something and never having enough money in her bank account. Her column 'Midweek Study Break' is published every Wednesday but you can read more of her work in her new project, When Life Gives You Rubi. Until Disney decides to make a movie about how hard it is to be a recent (single) college graduate, we can try to figure out this whole being a grown up thing together.   
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Nicole Martinez

UC Riverside

Nicole is a senior at UC Riverside where she is majoring in Media and Culture studies. She co-founded the Her Campus UC Riverside chapter her sophomore year in college. She loves to spend her free time watching The Mindy Project, Girls, Pretty Little Liars, and other shows with leading ladies. She also dabbles on tumblr, instagram (obviwearetheladies), and twitter. Mindy Kailing and Shoshanna are her spirit animals and in the near future she hopes to achieve elite status on Yelp, pursue a career in Public Relations and ultimately conquer the world.