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I think we all have had this universal experience of going on at least one terrible date in our lives. Well, mine happened a few weeks before I moved away to college. This was not with my Not-So Prince Charming (so as you read this, try to relax and don’t come for me again!) It was a brand new guy ready to break my heart, or so I thought.

Now, I know what you are thinking, “How bad can a first date really be?” Trust me, this was not your typical date. We bonked heads on our first kiss, and he got me flowers that I was allergic to. It was more of an “I had to fake a call from my best friend” type of date. I know I’m the devil

The date started off as pretty normal. I showed up at his house late because I was surprisingly nervous. He then proceeded to get in my front seat and asked me what I wanted to do. That is when the hamster wheel in my head froze. Hear me out — I am all for modern-day feminism, but a woman likes a man that still has a bit of chivalry. I let go of the fact that I was the one driving, but he could have at least plan out the date that he asked me on. He then stated that we should go to a lookout. While my hands shake nervously, I stupidly agreed. For those of you who haven’t lived in places with beautiful views like Southern California, I am sorry. They are basically places where people go to overlook the city and sometimes smoke pot. Prior to the disastrous date, I have only gone to a lookout to watch Sex in the City and eat burgers from In-N-Out with my best friend.

The rollercoaster date started going downhill reasonably fast from there. While driving, I tried to start a conversation, but he was hinting that he was not interested in that. However, I brushed it off my shoulder. We arrived at the view, and I quickly realized that he was really not interested in the idea of us talking. First, he didn’t have a plan for the date, and now he did not want to get to know me?! He kept leaning in, and I slowly backed away because I am not about to let a man in that easily. Who did he think he was? I made a decision that I was done with this date. I did not want to kiss him or do anything that might lead up to it.

I did what any normal teenage girl would do — text their best friend the “fake something and get me out of this date” emojis. I quickly made an excuse that it was getting late and I needed to get home to fill my gas tank. As we pulled away from the view, he then hit me with the glorious line, “Wait but we only spoke?” which I so subtly ignored. On the way to the lookout, we almost got in an accident, which okay might’ve been my fault, but he lowkey shamed me for my driving. Another big red flag.

I pulled up to the gas station hoping my best friend got my text. She called me when I got out of the car, but the call, unfortunately, had not gone through (BAD SERVICE!). After filling up my half tank (I’m cheap) in the dark gas station, I go all “Fast and Furious” to his house. I drive a Prius so, as you can imagine, it was more of if your grandma drove and had too much coffee. When we pulled up to his house, I kept stressing the fact that my mom would KILL me if I was not home in ten minutes. He then leaned in and puckered his lips, in which I whipped my hand up like a stop sign and leaned away. He shrugged his shoulders, opened the door, and kissed the air in my car. It took everything in me not to laugh. I then slammed my door and sped away. I called all my best friends to give them the rundown, and they could not stop laughing. I ended up picking up my not-blood-related little sister, and we chowed down on McDonald’s. Weirdest night of my life.

What did I learn about this date? That I am the baddest b*tch of all time. In all seriousness, I learned not to lower my standards for anyone — no matter who they are. Any man that is so lucky to be in my life must respect me and treat me to the life that I deserve. Truthfully, I wish nothing but the best for this guy, but he was not the one for me (And that is okay!). I deserve the best type of love, and even though it isn’t here yet, I am growing into the best woman that I need to be. So like always, see you next time in the next scene of my rom-com!

Zoë Howes

UC Irvine '25

Hi, my name is Zoë! I am currently a first-year journalism student at UCI and I love to write about rom-coms, my messy love life, politics, and more! Hope you enjoy! :) insta: @zoepascale_
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