When universities postponed in person classes back in March, my living situation, social life, and romantic life were all suddenly disrupted. I made the decision to move back home, which was easy enough. What was challenging, however, was accepting that quarantine was going to affect my romantic relationship – and worse, not knowing how it would.
It was clear that entering quarantine separately wasn’t going to be easy, especially since my partner and I lived 70 miles away from each other. However, he and I came to realize that quarantine was – and still is – very much conducive to our growth as a couple, and that even quarantine’s unfortunate circumstances were able to bring out some of the best moments in our relationship. Here are a couple of thoughts on what quarantine has taught me about my relationship and romantic relationships in general.
A healthy relationship is stronger than the stress and strains of quarantine.
The beginning of quarantine was, of course, difficult for countless reasons. It especially posed unique challenges for people involved in romantic relationships. Many of my college friends, mainly those who moved back in with their parents, broke up with their partners because they believed the circumstances were too inconvenient.
Thankfully, my partner and I both believed that such complications shouldn’t have any impact on our relationship status, even if I had less freedom living back at home. We weren’t unfamiliar with the concept of distance, since we had been in a long-distance relationship some time ago. Our LDR communication skills had ensured that being quarantined apart would not keep us guessing about each other’s feelings. We were never worried about boring each other with less physical contact, nor about any other quarantine-related relationship insecurities. We agreed that quarantine would just be a small blip in the long haul – not as an inconvenience, but merely as a temporary condition.
Of course, communication and trust are essential to any healthy relationship, pandemic or no pandemic. But for me, the unique circumstances of quarantine were what truly revealed their importance. Furthermore, our ability to work around those circumstances showed me that our relationship was – and is – strong. To me, the realization that quarantine will be but a tiny fraction of our relationship proved our commitment to each other.
Spending time together virtually isn’t necessarily inferior to spending time in person.
At this point in the pandemic, my partner and I have worked out a system where we can safely see each other in person: we spend at least 14 days (the duration that COVID-19 takes to incubate) quarantined apart, monitoring possible symptoms, before seeing each other for several days at a time.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t always that simple. During the first few months of quarantine, when mask mandates were not in place and disinfecting products were scarce, meeting up at all seemed irresponsible. Because of this, my partner and I ended up doing what most other couples did at the time: use Zoom for virtual dates and Netflix Party hangouts. It didn’t feel drastically different from our old LDR routine – back then we’d text a bit throughout each day, call each other several times a week, and meet up for a week every month. The main difference was that phone calls and virtual dates were now our only methods of communication.
I came to learn that solely communicating virtually wasn’t necessarily a “downgrade” from spending time together in person. In fact, keeping in touch virtually had benefits that I did not originally anticipate. For one thing, quarantine has helped me realize that my partner and I are not only a couple but best friends as well. We could do nothing but talk on the phone for hours on end, and still have fun. This was especially important to learn, as we had always been oriented towards displaying physical affection (though of course, both are important!).
Communicating via phone calls and Zoom dates have also taught me to talk more openly to my partner than I ever had before. For someone shy like myself, with little past experience in healthy relationships, this was a big deal! While my partner and I have always had good communication skills, I felt that virtual dates taught me how to better spend time with my partner, both virtually and now in person, and how to hone in on what’s truly important at that moment – my partner and the conversation at hand.
If I had to identify the silver lining of my quarantine experience so far, I’d say it would be watching my relationship grow in the ways that it has. I’m very grateful to be both healthy and loved during these strange times.