We’re Not Really Strangers is a card game that aims to encourage vulnerability and the creation of meaningful connections with others. Created by artist and model Koreen, the game swiftly grew in popularity because of its unfiltered and direct discussion of mental health. The game’s slogan is an honest one— “warning: feelings may arise”. It wastes no time in relaying its purpose, the words “Come curious, leave connected” written on the sides of the game box. The directions explain that WNRS is a purpose-driven card game, complete with 3 different levels that will help to both create new connections and deepen existing ones. Level 1 is perception, level 2 is connection and level 3 is reflection. Players navigate through these three rounds, answering the questions they are prompted with and learning to open up to others.
I just had to buy the game
What? I couldn’t resist! My friends have lovingly nicknamed me “Ms. Existential Dread”. I suppose that they do have a point. I am always thinking- about my life, the people I know, the world, our society, and just about any complex ideas that interest me. I am the kind of person to enjoy deep talks and profound musings. I’m drawn to the complexity of human emotion and thinking. Vulnerability and human connection have always been intriguing because they have so many intricate layers and levels. This being said it is no surprise that when I came across the game We’re Not Really Strangers, it caught my attention.
The temptation was far too great, but I am happy to report that I don’t regret it in the slightest. I decided to break out of the game one night when my friends and I were all together. I have known the delightful humans of “the stupid grin club” (which we so aptly named ourselves) for about 8 months now. They are a group that does not shy away from difficult conversations, and since we met we have been growing more and more comfortable with each other. Something told me that playing WNRS with this particular group would be special, and I was absolutely right.
I will admit that I was nervous at first, and of this universal feeling the game is uniquely aware. It was designed to gently move players past their instinctive hesitation to be more vulnerable. Within the game box, there is a slip of folded paper that contains a note from the creator. It reads: “I have found there are 2 ways to play this game: 1. play safe, 2. play to grow. The second is how you win”. That really resonated with me, and I did my best to push aside any inhibitions I was experiencing.
To begin the game, we were prompted to think about our initial perceptions of each other when we met. We then had to write these first impressions onto slips of paper and anonymously give them to each player. This was already so interesting to me because it is impossible to fully understand how you as a person are perceived, especially when just meeting another. The game, however, was careful to instruct that we do not read these slips of paper until we had finished playing. I had to table my curiosity for a later time.
Level One: Perception
The cards in this level started us out strong. Questions like “What’s the first thing you noticed about me?” had us deeply engaged in exploring both our perception of others and how we ourselves are perceived. Two questions I pulled in this round were especially notable to me, because of how my friends responded. The first card was a question asking how likely I am to go camping, and how high-maintenance I would be. One of my friends told me that I would go camping, but that I wouldn’t want to inconvenience others by asking for help. He said I would sooner sleep on the floor than be a burden. Having that said out loud really struck a chord with me. I didn’t realize that about myself, and hearing it was really enlightening to me. I have since then been trying to work on asking for help, rather than only working things out on my own.
The second card that was really impactful to me was a little challenging. It challenged two players to maintain eye contact with each other for thirty seconds and to note what they noticed about the other person. Besides the occasional staring contest, I had never really looked deeply into another person’s eyes for such a long period of time. After thirty seconds were up, we shared our observations. My friend had an easier time than me in keeping eye contact for so long. I noted that he was relaxed, and felt comfortable looking into my eyes. His gaze was oddly reassuring, and it definitely aligned with the wholesome person I know him to be. He told me that I started out very determined, maintaining eye contact with effort, and aiming to succeed. Over time, however, he said that my gaze softened, and I became more at ease over time. His description of me reminded me of the process of opening up to someone. It takes effort and bravery at first, but it becomes easier with time, and as you grow more comfortable with the person.
Level Two: Connection
This round focused more on our connections with each other and prompted us with questions to strengthen them. I really enjoyed hearing everyone’s answers to the question “What’s been your happiest memory this past year?”. It was heartwarming to hear about the experiences my friends had that brought them joy. It was like a window into their lives that granted me access to their most cherished moments. It felt like celebrating their happiness with them. Then there were questions like: “What part of your life works? What part of your life hurts?”. These questions allowed us to delve further into our knowledge of each other, and to discuss things that would not otherwise come up in common conversation. It was hard-hitting, and I learned a lot about my friends that I didn’t know before. This round pushed us to talk about ourselves more than the last, and it was much more difficult to get through.
Level Three: Reflection
The reflection round had us revisiting things we had discussed in the first two rounds, and mulling over the newly discovered realizations about ourselves and each other. The questions allowed us to reflect on what we learned, asking things like: “What am I most qualified to give advice about?” or “What do you admire most about me?”. If I had to choose, I’d say “Give your partner a hug. Not the crappy kind. A warm fluffy one” was my favorite card this round. After that soul-searching and deep digging, hugs all around were a must.
Closing Thoughts
I’ve never played a game quite as compelling as WNRS. No game has arrested the attention of my friends and me as much as it did. After playing we all felt much more deeply connected with each other, and it was an experience we will never forget.