We live in a society where success is defined by how much money you make, what kind of job you have, and how many achievements you’ve accomplished. Even in school, we’re taught that the effort we put into assignments doesn’t matter if the outcome isn’t up to a certain standard. As a result, many of us have adopted this way of thinking, growing up with this idea of success in our minds. The “get ahead and stay ahead” mentality pushes us to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
I’m guilty of thinking this way. In high school, I was an honor roll student, taking AP classes until I couldn’t fit any more into my schedule, while still managing to balance extracurriculars and clubs to the point where I had no free time. To me, being successful and hardworking meant that I was booked and busy and had the grades and resume to prove it. Now, I can look back and say, “That wasn’t the healthiest thing for me to be thinking at 15,” yet we’re taught to think this way until it’s hardwired into our minds. It wasn’t until the summer before I began my freshman year at UCI that I started to realize that there might be other ways to navigate college. That was the first moment I questioned the idea of success that I, as a perfectionist, had been chasing after for so long.
Right before I began my freshman fall quarter, my dad pulled me aside and gifted me a print of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Success. The edges were slightly worn and the white of the print was turning a soft yellow, revealing the years of safe-keeping. The print was something that my dad had kept on the wall of his office since he began his career. Whenever he lost sight of things or felt overwhelmed, he said, he would read Emerson’s words to remind him that there was more to life than work. Now, as I began my journey at UCI and was ready to take on my endeavors, he handed it to me. It read:
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I first read Emerson’s words, they made me smile. Even though they weren’t my dad’s words, it felt as though he was passing a piece of his wisdom to me. That moment, reading the print, brought me back to the reason why I began writing in the first place. It wasn’t because I wanted to be the richest person in the world or have the most impressive resume ever seen, but because I loved to tell stories. It was because storytelling was my way of connecting with others. I loved the feeling of creating something that would unite people regardless of who they were and bringing smiles to people’s faces or hope in times of difficulty. Writing was my refuge, not my enemy. It was then that I realized that this also meant that chasing after unrealistic expectations was not the way to foster my love for writing. I knew that I didn’t want the pressure of my self-inflicted expectations to cause my spark for writing to fizzle out. I then had the difficult task on my hands of discovering what being successful actually means to me.
In retrospect, it sounds simple, but redefining success is a difficult undertaking because you’re teaching yourself to unlearn something. For me, that something was setting my expectations so high that it wasn’t feasible for me to achieve them. I’m a dreamer, through and through, but I had to learn to separate dreams and pressures because fear isn’t a strong foundation for growth. I was so clouded in worry of disappointing others, of disappointing myself, of not feeling smart enough, that I let my fears of failure stop me from truly growing. While I still struggle with accepting disappointment, I’m slowly growing more comfortable with the imperfections, embracing them as part of the journey.
That being said, what does success mean to me? It means a lot of things.
Success means that you have a kind heart, untainted by the ugly that exists in the world. Success means that you find time to appreciate all the little things that bring joy into life. Success means that you’ve touched the lives of others and made a positive difference, even if it’s by the smallest amount. Success means that you’ve tried your best and regardless of the outcome, you’ve carried yourself with grace. Success means that you’re proud of yourself, no matter what stage of life you’re in.
Looking back now, as a third-year UCI student, I can’t believe how much one quote has changed my perspective so immensely. As I write this article, I have my dad’s Success print pinned to my corkboard. A constant reminder of the little things. It’s a fun question to think about because the answer is different for everyone, so I’ll leave you with this. What does success mean to you?