When most people hear the word ‘clown’, they think of fun, cute, children’s birthday parties with a friendly person all dressed up making terrible jokes and giving away balloons. These clowns are nothing more than people putting on makeup and clothes to entertain others and brighten up their day. To me, however, the word ‘clown’ connotes a paper boat, a sewer, an unwanted red balloon and a psycho being who is out to murder me. Of course, Pennywise the Dancing Clown is just a fictional character from Stephen King’s book It (1986), but this clown feeds on children’s’ fears and transforms himself into anything the child fears the most. He is the reason why I hate clowns.
Watching the 1990 film at the age of five was not the best idea – shout out to my sister for mischievously convincing me to watch it with her – and caused me to develop coulrophobia as I grew up. Coulrophobia is the irrational fear of clowns and it can get to the point where you believe that your life is in danger if a clown is close to you. Deep down I know that people dressed as clowns are not out to murder me, hopefully, or harm me in anyway, but my assumption that all clowns are Pennywise gets in the way of my rationality. Pennywise has become the picture of all clowns for me and I cannot see past It anymore, no matter how much I tell myself he is a fictional character. Because of this fear, party clowns make me uncomfortable. I even breakdown crying when I see one and I must be careful of any movie, social media, or website that could have a clown pop-up at any second. Thanks Pennywise.
The clown sightings back in 2016 made me live in constant fear. I was fearful that I would spot one on the street, see one on social media or on the news, or worse, have one approach me. I had to stay away from my phone, tv, computer and be watchful of my surroundings on my way to school in case I needed to run for the hills at any given second. As irrational and dumb as this might sound, only people that have coulrophobia understand how scary and stressful it can be to see a clown or be near one. Any phobia is difficult to live with, especially if the source of fear is common, popular, or just a natural part of life that is hard to stay away from.
Another wave of clowns hit in 2017 with the remake of Stephen King’s It that riled up fans of the Dancing Clown and placed Pennywise on all social media outlets and tv channels. It was 2016 all over again, but I decided to give the movie a chance before I judged it. I did not see it in theaters, but as I sat on my couch, I was still not able to look at the screen when Pennywise came out. To be fair, the movie as a whole was good and would be bearable to watch if I was not afraid of clowns – good job to whoever was in charge of making this movie – but I am, and it ruined the experience.
I guess in order to overcome my coulrophobia, I must expose myself to the source of the trauma: Pennywise the Dancing Clown. But this is easier said than done because every time I try to look at him, I break down into tears. Pennywise ruined clowns for me, probably forever, and all that is left to do is avoid clowns at all costs. With Halloween around the corner, I can only hope to not come across any clowns this upcoming week.