Those six words are enough to single-handedly destroy any warm-blooded male’s ego and send him running straight for the hills. For a guy who just risked his pride to spill his true feelings, he has now found himself in a dark abyss of an “emotional hell,” as some would like to call it. All that’s left to do is to cue the eerie music, for he has now entered “The Friend Zone.”
It’s a typical scenario that most guys have either personally encountered or witnessed at one point in their lives. Most commonly, a guy becomes interested in a girl who does not see the potential for more than a friendship. To hear from the person whom you seek a romantic connection with wants to keep things friendly can be hard news to accept. It may be so difficult that some may even refuse to respect their decision and set out determined to change their mind. Navigating through this delicate situation can prove to be difficult for both guys and girls alike, and it is no secret that the two sexes have very different views on how to deal. Once a guy is put in the friend zone, he is presented with two options: to either approach with caution or to accept defeat and move on.
For us girls, we grow up in a society that gives us the impression that our perfect Prince Charming is out there waiting to sweep us off at our feet. I blame romantic comedies for putting unrealistic images in our head of what a relationship is supposed to look like. Not like I am expecting to marry Ryan Gosling, but I’ll be the first to admit that most girls, including myself, have mapped out exactly what their dream guy looks like, down to the smallest of details. This is just one of the things that makes us different from guys, who usually prefer to figure out what they want in a partner through trial and error. Guys often find the way a woman thinks to be maddening. They do not understand that women usually do not want to compromise with the image of the perfect man they have created. While it is accurate that some girls are willing to play it by ear, most know right away if a guy is “boyfriend material” or not. Most girls will not waste their time and effort on guys that they cannot foresee a future with. Although he may be the greatest guy ever, if there is no spark or chemistry, he will be put in the friend zone.
While being placed in the friend zone is a devastating blow for guys, most girls see it as harmless. Can you blame us? We can’t be expected to like every guy we meet, right? The truth is that sometimes girls just want to have guy friends. What is so wrong with that? When a girl decides she really likes a guy, the last thing on her mind will be “ruining the friendship.” The reason why guys have such strong feelings towards the friend zone is because they have been conditioned to always pursue what they want. Just like girls, they do not want to compromise. When they can’t have something, they want it even more and are willing to fight like hell until they claim it as their own. This is where men get the idea that they can have any girl they want as long as they persist through. Urban Dictionary has even defined the friend zone as “a term used to vilify women for exercising her right to say ‘no’ because somewhere along the line men got the idea that women are obligated to date or sleep with anyone who talks to them.” The sad truth is that after a girl places a guy in the friend zone, she is usually looked upon as being “conniving” or “heartless.” Most guys do not want to come to the conclusion that they cannot always achieve what they set out for. While they may try to play it off like it did not matter, deep down their ego is bruised and their feelings are hurt. Although guys often play the victim, girls lose a friendship as well as their sense of faith in the male species.
So often are women devastated from guarding themselves against men that expect more than friendship out of them. After this happens several times, women begin to doubt the true intentions of men, knowing that their friendship will probably end in failure when the card is dealt. It is then that they decide that if they want any sort of platonic relationship with a man they must turn to a sort of “gay best friend.” She may choose this relationship because she can be sure going in that the guidelines are clear and his expectations are aligned with hers. A friendship is allowed to thrive when the pressure of any sexual attraction is not there.
In this game, nobody emerges a winner. While the man is not getting what he set out for, he also takes away the woman’s sense of self-worth as he decides that he no longer wants her in his life. This sends the woman the message that she was not worth much as a person, but as an object to be obtained. Because of this, it is easy for a woman to feel like she was duped when a man behaves this way. This leaves us with the question: is he man enough to be your friend?
Photo credit: www.allmoviephoto.com (Just Friends photos)