It happens at one point in all of our lives, when that guy who crushed your heart returns from the abyss of the world and enters your life as a man seeking forgiveness, on a mission to get you back. Coping with a broken heart is one of the hardest things a girl has to do. Our self esteem hits an all time low and we seek for some type of therapy to cope with our pain. And after days of cringing at every thought that reminds us of the guy who decided we weren’t good enough to keep, we receive that text or call that says “I miss you.” Now all those feelings you had locked away in order for your heart to heal come rushing back. We have replayed the break up over and over again and now we have the upper hand, it feels rejuvenating. So now that we have victory, what is the next step?
We judge every girl that returns to a guy who has treated her wrong, and now that we are in her shoes, walking away is not as easy as it seems. We don’t want to be that girl, but we can’t hide the feelings that we obviously have for our ex. In the midst of the confusion and chaos in our head we eventually have to make that final decision. These are the 5 steps we should take in order to reach that decision:
Step 1: Evaluate the crimes that were committed
Go over the reasons for the break up. Did he cheat? Was he into someone else? Was it over a stupid fight? All of these reasons are vital to making your decision. If he cheated you need to recognize that this a serious crime committed in the relationship, and that there is a risk of it happening again. You have to decide if you are willing to trust him again or not. If he was into someone else, you have to recognize that he at least had the decency to tell you before anything happened, so he does have morals. If it was over a stupid fight, there is a good chance that this can be fixed if you are both willing to work at it. He needs to know what he did wrong and you need to also acknowledge any faults you have as well, just because he was the one to say sorry doesn’t mean you’re perfect and are not guilty of anything. Remember relationships are all compromise and you can’t point your fingers at just one person. There are two sides to every argument, so there are two things that are going wrong. Communication is key, so open up and say how you feel and listen to how he feels, you would be surprised how much guys have to say when they know you are listening.
Step 2: Find out if his feelings are fact or fake
So he made the step to say he misses you or say sorry, but how do you know if he is being sincere or not? Now if all you got was a simple text message, then that is not going to say much. A text message is not a big enough gesture to say he is ready to commit. The magnitude of the gesture determines how sincere he is. If he approaches you in person and is pouring his heart out, then obviously this means he is sincere. Saying how he feels and expressing his emotions means that he is willing to be vulnerable around you. Being vulnerable is hard for anyone to do, so if he is doing it, then that means he actually means what he says. And if he cries, well then you should know for sure he means what he says and is not trying to play you.
Step 3: Figure out how you really feel
When going through a break up, you turn to your family and friends for support to help you get through it. These people who love you had to see you at your low point as you suffered and cried in devastation. This automatically creates a bias in the advice they will give you because of the way he hurt you. You will hear them say, “He’s not worth it,” “You would be stupid to go back to him,” or “He is just playing you.” TUNE THEM OUT! This is only influencing your feelings and making it more difficult for you to try to figure out how you really feel. Don’t make your decision based on what other people are telling you to do, and don’t make your decision based on what he wants either, the most important person to listen to is you. What do YOU want? Once you answer that then you are ready to consider the repercussions of your decision.
Step 4: Decide if you are ready to deal with the drama
If you are considering getting back with him, then you are going to have to consider what is going to happen afterwards. You will be receiving a lot of judgment from people who disagree with your decision and will try to make you feel stupid. Stick to your decision and make everyone respect that. You can’t let family or friends bash your guy because that does affect how you feel about him. Correct them and make them respect your decision. It is your relationship between you and him and no one else. There will also be a lot of trust issues to work out. The paranoia of whether or not he will break your heart again will be there, so you have to make sure you know how to control that. You don’t want to wait for him to screw up again, but believe that he will do his best to make you happy. If you feel like you are not ready to deal with all of these issues then don’t try because the drama will drive you crazy in the end.
Step 5: Decide whether or not you want to move on or give him another chance
Yes, it is a great feeling to have someone who screwed you over, come crawling back, but that doesn’t mean you still feel the same way about them. Actually consider what your real feelings towards him are. After all the hurt, do you feel ready to take him back or are you simply going to hold his mistake over him for the rest of his life? If you don’t think you will ever move past it then don’t take him back and move on. Once he says sorry and you forgive him you can’t bring back his past mistakes, because he will leave. If you are both willing to change for each other and forgive him, then give him a second chance. Everyone has moment of weakness and we all make mistakes, so put your pride aside and embrace your feelings because if what you had was real then it will be worth reviving.
After going through all these steps, you will be more than ready to know what the right thing to do is. Relationships are always hard and require a lot of work. In every successful relationship there has to be a point where someone gets hurt, because if you overcome that hurt then your relationship can conquer anything. There will be many guys who will break our hearts in our lives but the key is to know who is worth all the trouble. The person who is worth it will be just as determined as you to make the relationship stay alive. So if he is not just as determined as you then turn on your iPod and blast “Take a Bow” by Rihanna and “White Horse” by Taylor Swift, and move on to someone better. Love is something every girl dreams of and strives for and every girl is capable of finding it. But only those who are humbled, patient, strong, and forgiving are capable of keeping it.
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