On October 20th, 2022 I attended Conan Gray’s second sold-out show at the LA Greek Theatre with my sister, and it was one of the dreamiest experiences of my life. Reflecting on it over a year later, I can still say that it is one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to.
I’ve been a huge fan of Conan Gray since his debut album Kid Krow, which features his hit song Heather, which gained popularity on TikTok. To this day, I find that his music captures all the angst-ridden emotions one experiences in adolescence such as loneliness, heartbreak, and the yearning for young euphoric love, which makes him so relatable and comforting as both an artist and a person. In the spirit of Heather day, I found myself reflecting on going to his concert last year. I remember feeling an overwhelming wave of anticipation a few minutes before he was set to come onstage. I still remember the shouts and whistles from the crowd as we all jumped from our seats when the lights dimmed and the cathartic pop sound of his song “Disaster” filled my ears.
He did an amazing job at simultaneously keeping the crowd on their toes and screaming enthusiastically. After his two opening tracks, I remember he introduced himself and said:
“Let’s have a good night tonight, but not too much fun because most of these songs are depressing.” I expected nothing less than a setlist that would put me through a rollercoaster of emotions which he greatly delivered.
Even after the concert, many song lyrics stuck with me, including:
“We’ve traveled the seas, we’ve ridden the stars
We’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars
As much as it seems like you own my heart
It’s astronomy, we’re two worlds apart”
“Astronomy” is a song about lost love and the heartbreaking reality of growing apart from someone. From the raw and whimsical lyrics to the crowd coming together to raise their phones creating waves of light, his performance of this song was an unforgettable moment that left me in tears.
“In my head, we’re dancing in the dark
In my head, we kiss under the stars
But we know that’s not what we’re doing
‘Causе, baby, this ain’t like the movies”
“Movies” is for all the hopeless romantic maladaptive daydreamers of the world…aka me. Listening to this song alone in my room at 3 A.M. was nothing compared to screaming my heart out to it along with my sister and the rest of our section. We constantly turned to each other to express how much the lyrics resonated with us.
“Oh, all that I did to try to undo it
All of my pain and all your excuses
I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless
(Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this)
All of my past, I tried to erase it
But now I see, would I even change it?”
With “Family Line,” Gray was incredibly open about the deep and personal meaning behind this song, which is about the abuse he experienced in his childhood. The song itself speaks of overcoming trauma and not letting oneself be defined by others. It was clear from Gray’s faraway gaze and soft, on-the-verge-of-breaking voice that this is an emotionally tough song to sing. I could feel the vulnerability and anguish in his voice and I think it’s beautiful that as his fans we could sing in solidarity with one another and share these painful emotions.
“All I did just to make you happy
Still you don’t even fuckin’ love me
(Jigsaw, jigsaw, jigsaw, jigsaw)
Killin’ parts of myself to fit you
Clear as shit I was not the issue”
The “Jigsaw” performance gave us a break from the sniffles and tears by having us release all of our unspoken rages as we sang along to lyrics that encapsulate what it feels like to give away parts of ourselves for the sake of a relationship. The intensity of the guitar chords paired with the blunt metaphorical lyrics, anger-laced vocals, and exhausted screams from the crowd sent shivers down my spine.
“So, there’s no good reason in make believin’
That we could ever exist again
I can’t be your friend, can’t be your lover
Can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love
Finally, the song that ended this surreal night (and happened to be one of my favorites): “Memories”. Although I would have preferred the concert to never have ended, I think it was the perfect closing to such an emotionally charged concert. The lyrics reveal the tormenting push and pull of a relationship that has run its course. They also convey the pain and conflict of wanting to move on and leave this person in the past while they seem to be a fixture in your life, making it incredibly difficult to sever that connection. Perhaps it was because it was the last song or because of the liveliness of the crowd, but there was a permanent smile on my face as I sang along from start to finish, attempting to achieve every high note Conan Gray delivered flawlessly. I failed, of course, but I will never forget the image of Conan at the center of the stage, everyone’s arms up in the air, and the blast of red confetti raining down on everyone.
Conan Gray’s discography is filled with heart-wrenching songs that will turn you into an emotional wreck, songs that will make you feel so seen you’ll listen to them while driving with the windows down imagining yourself as the main character in a coming-of-age film, and songs that will have you shamelessly dancing around your room as if you were performing at a concert of your own. There is such a clear feeling of togetherness between the crowd and Gray with the crowd and Conan where everyone is dramatically singing along and going through it, which makes the concert a therapeutic experience for everyone. Hearing many of his songs live was a religious experience that I’ll always wish I could experience for the first time again.