“Yeah, she told me that she would never do what I do.”
“Do what?”
“Go on Tinder dates.”
What’s so wrong with Tinder? This is the first thought that crosses my mind as one of my friends details an encounter she had with her roommate as she was getting ready for a Tinder date. Me and my own roommate make eye contact as she continues to describe instances of her roommate making upsetting comments about her love life, including gems such as “How many dates do you have lined up this week?” or “So how many bodies this week?” As I hear more and more of this, I cut my friend off and ask her if she’s okay after hearing such upsetting things from her own roommate. Without missing a beat she says, “No, she’s probably right.”
In an era where women’s liberation has never been more celebrated, why is it that slut shaming is still so prevalent? Whether it be through men yelling horrible things at you from the safety of their cars or being questioned for what kind of clothes we wear, women are often put under a magnifying glass of unwarranted opinions that aim to tear us down. What’s more insidious is how the enforcement of these outdated norms is often done to each other by each other, due to this need to assimilate into a world that never really respected us to begin with.
At its very core, slut shaming is a type of humiliation. When your friend tells you that they would never do what you do, it’s setting a barrier between the two of you that states “we are not the same.” As women who are constantly degraded by the men around us, turning around and doing it to someone else can feel liberating in a way. That’s why slut shaming is so commonplace; it’s comforting to be able to distance yourself from someone you view as beneath you. In a world where the patriarchy is oppressive, slut shaming is used to further that oppression by placing yourself in an advantageous position. When you recognize the cycle and break free from it, that’s when you can unlearn the toxic behavior of slut shaming.
To unlearn something that has been drilled into your head since birth, it’s important to look in first. Think about how you would feel if someone commented on your shirt or the way you interact with men. Identify what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate and apply your logic to the world around you. As women, we have to look out for each other because we’re all that we have. Never let yourself be slut shamed because, ultimately, being a “slut” doesn’t represent anything about your character; it’s a term meant to demean you. Slut shaming has never and will never be a cute look so, next time you’re on Tinder, remember that going on dates is the entire point of the app!