Sometimes silence is good. Friendships today are presented as being with people that you should be constantly talking to. However, at the beginning of a friendship, it is key to learn each other’s rhythms, and with those rhythms comes silence. A friendship needs to be able to withstand both high intensity and peaceful moments to last.
There are many lessons to be found in friendships, including the value of silence.
Throughout college, we meet many new people and form new connections, while existing friendships might change and evolve over time.
With friendships being composed of many complexities and changes, there are some important lessons to be found in developing new relationships with people:
1. Silence can mean different things
There can be good silences and bad ones at the beginning of a friendship. When the silence lasts longer and longer in a fragile friendship, it can cause confusion regarding where this friendship will lead. Maybe this person will be in your life for a long time to come, or you’ll just be ships passing by in the night. When this confusion happens, you should always trust what you feel, especially if it becomes a pattern with the potential friend, and remember that there are people out there who will be a better fit.
2. There’s always a limbo stage in a friendship
Part of any burgeoning friendship is figuring out what you have in common because when you start a friendship, you don’t know much about the other person. Oftentimes when we start a friendship, we feel drawn to the other person in some way. There is something about them that makes you gravitate towards them, whether that be because of a school assignment or a meeting somewhere on your college campus. This might make a potential friendship seem alluring, but because you don’t know this person that well, it can leave the friendship in a limbo stage that can create lulls in your conversations.
These silences are just as important as the times when you are talking together because how silence feels between you both can be an indicator of how compatible you are as friends. When you feel peace in these quiet moments, silences can become less frequent as you become closer friends, or they can lead to the friendship eventually fizzling out.
3. Keep trying to make new friends
Though it hurts, the truth is that you just are not meant to be friends with some people. Realizing this about someone can be very sad, especially when you have put a lot of effort into getting to know them. However, it is only by getting to know them that you can come to this conclusion at the start rather than later down the line when both of you are more invested.
This breakdown of a friendship, even at the start, is not anyone’s fault nor a reflection of one’s self but rather simply the natural course of the friendship. To be completely honest, you never really know if you and someone are well suited to each other unless you try. Regardless of where the friendship ends up, you won’t find the people you’re meant for unless you keep trying.
One of the greatest things that humans crave is a connection with people who will love us and stay by our side. Sometimes we have this preconceived notion of who should be our friends in life but nothing is ever as simple as it “should be.”
In actuality, you never know who your friends will be at the end of the day. Instead, you’ll find them when and where you least expect them, at the end of a long day when you aren’t looking. You might find that your true friends have been right next to you this whole time. Friendships take time, and it can take a lot of mishaps before you find your people. But they’re out there; don’t ever forget that.