In a world where women have glass ceilings to break, double standards to crush and a plethora of other challenges, is it any shock that even compliments directed at women have something problematic about them?
After reading an interview (via an Instagram account called historycoolkids) where J.K Rowling recalls running into an old friend at the Bristish Book Awards, I began to truly see the extent of this problem. Although she had not seen Rowling for three years, the first thing her friend commented on was how she looked skinnier than the last time they met. Despite the fact that she just had a baby at the time of their last run-in, J.K. Rowling was left peeved at the fact her waist size seemed to be more of a note-worthy accomplishment than the new book she wrote or her child.
If J.K. Rowling, an incredibly gifted and widely-read author, also faces compliments aimed at her appearance over any other of her many accomplishments, it’s obvious that society views appearance as a woman’s crowning contribution to society, and everything else follows. So, the next time you want to compliment someone, I encourage you to take a moment to think of something that lies beneath the surface, something like the sparkle in the person’s eye when they talk about music, the way their laugh sounds or how in love you are with their personality. Read below for a few of the many compliments that are actually pretty insulting.
1). You’re so cool, why don’t you have a boyfriend?
Okay, you caught me there, my worth can only be validated by my relationship status.
2). You’re prettier when you smile!
Funny, you’re cuter when you aren’t making overused, creepy remarks.
Image source: https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/014/285/sideeyechloe.jpg
3). You’re not like other girls.
Ouch, I must really be doing something wrong…*intensely cringes*
4). You look prettier with(out) makeup on!
Thanks! I woke up today hoping to get input on something that does not apply to you :)
Image source: https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2017-04/6/10/asset/buzzf…
5). You look good, what did you change?
But actually, what part of that is even a compliment??
6). ANYTHING about body size, appetite, clothing and/or what someone chooses to do with their body
“You’ve filled out so nicely..”
“You have a nice body, you should show it off more!”
Me:
Image source: https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/spongebob-ight-imma-…
7). You’re (strong/laid back/smart/ etc) for a girl.
AW, I’m sure Serena Williams, RBG and Jane Goodall are barely making that elusive threshold you hold for women :)
8). You clean up nicely!
Yeah, because everything was already sparkling clean.
9). You look great for your age.
Ah yes, physical appearance trumps anything else anyone has ever accomplished at their ~age~
10). Any catcall ever!!!!!!!
Wow, you whistled and screamed some degrading comments at me, should we set the wedding date for this weekend? Or maybe just go straight to the honeymoon? Seriously, I fear for my life instead of feeling “flattered.”