As the day of hearts approaches, couples rush around in hopes of finding the perfect gift to seal their partner’s love for them: red and pink balloons, rose petals, chocolate boxes, teddy bears. It’s all seemingly magical, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves!
As we get older and fall in love, we look into our future and see an enormous stepping stone — or roadblock, depending on how you look at it: marriage.
Many of us inevitably work our entire social lives around finding the one person who truly makes us feel complete — then once we’ve done it, we marry them. That’s it. It couldn’t possibly go up from there, right?
Unfortunately for all the love birds out there, nearly half of marriages fail such expectations. Research by WF Lawyers shows around 50% of all first marriages end in divorce; that number increases to 60% for second marriages, and then to 73% for third marriages. So, before you jump the gun and decide you can’t live without your “soulmate” putting a ring on your finger there are some things to consider.
Even though divorce is always on the table, it’s typically mentally consuming and costly. The quickest procedures in California take six months, with the average taking 15. Divorce takes a traumatic toll on families — children especially, though studies show that effects on adolescents are usually a short-term issue. Escaping an unhappy marriage is definitely doable, but will likely lead you to spending a great deal of time making up for an already broken bond.
Marriage is fundamentally rooted in sexist ideals. More than anything, marriage isn’t necessary to prove your love for another person — it’s simply a way to throw a big party and legally combine your possessions with your spouse’s.
Like many other precious traditions in the United States, marriage has an underlying pattern of male supremacy. The institution itself started as a way to forcibly transfer women from their fathers to their husbands. Of course, this isn’t the case now, but the stigma of women needing marriage still remains, creating immense pressure to tie the knot.
However, the most alarming gender inequality in marriage is that women take their husband’s last name (per tradition). Surveys show that 70% of women choose to adopt their husband’s last name as opposed to keeping their maiden name or going the newly common hyphenated route. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to solidify your family structure, but in the 21st century, it seems outdated for a woman to legally change her name so she can fit a tradition created for a man to maintain full control over her identity.
Be in love, wear a ring, and throw a party if you truly want to celebrate your incredible connection, but all of this can be done without involving legalities! Plus, old St. Valentine never said you had to be married to be in love.