As many colleges and universities start back up for their fall semesters, you might find yourself in the prickly and uneasy decision process that is long-distance relationships. Whether it’s deciding to go the distance with your high school sweetheart or simply saying “see you soon” to your partner that attends a school across the country, the main message is pretty clear: long-distance sucks. Now, my story is only one out of millions of people, but hopefully it will help you in some way, shape or form.
I spent a large portion of my freshman year in a long-distance relationship. Surprise, surprise. It was my high school sweetheart that I had been dating for about two years prior. I won’t get into the knitty, gritty details of that past relationship, but I will tell you that it fell victim to the same pattern that plagues most highschool-turned-college relationships.
We were madly in love, desperate to hold onto each other the summer before we left for college.
We couldn’t dream of not being together, so we decided to go the distance and stay together 500 miles apart. Flash forward to winter break of freshman year and bam! It’s over. Oh, but wait, there’s more! A mere three weeks later and we’re back together, vowing to fix whatever problems we had and to be better than ever before. Skip forward to that summer and we are once again heartbroken.
So, what happened? Well, as much as my 19-year-old self would have loved to say that it was all my ex’s fault and that I was completely in the right, that is quite far from the truth. In reality, we just grew apart. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking “That’s such a cliche Kiana, you really have nothing new to tell us??” No, I really don’t. Moving away to college, like any major event in your life, is a significant change. Just like any significant change in your life, there will be adjustments you need to make. You, as an individual, will need to figure out how to take care of yourself, both mentally and physically. You’ll need to find communities and friends in an unknown place.
You’ll need to learn how to be by yourself, something that most 20-somethings struggle with daily.
Being in a relationship during that time makes things a bit more complicated, because your partner will most likely be going through that same phase in their life.
In short, my high school girlfriend and I decided to follow different trajectories for our lives. We explored different avenues at both of our schools, fell into different social crowds, and eventually no longer recognized the person on the other end of the FaceTime call. We became completely different people and that’s perfectly okay. Our main goal as humans is to evolve, to become better and newer versions of ourselves. In some cases, this process can continue with the same people we love and hold dear to our hearts. In other cases, this process must continue with only the lessons and memories we shared with those people we once loved so much. In my case, we both had to sacrifice each other in order to evolve into the people we wanted to be. It happens, and I promise you both will be okay.
Now, I want to make it clear that I am not encouraging you to break up with your partner before leaving for college. Every relationship is different, meaning that my experiences are not yours and yours are not mine. What I am saying is that we all just want to love and be loved properly. So, what’s my best advice?
Choose someone that is choosing you every single day.
Whether you’re going through a huge shift from highschool to college or saying goodbye to your long-distance partner, make sure that you’re investing your time and love into someone who makes the conscious choice every single morning to love you. You deserve it.