Dating is a key part of college for many of us, and for better or for worse, dating apps have become a part of that as well. With a plethora of options, such as Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, you’re able to either pick your poison or get on as many as your heart desires. Whether you downloaded the apps because you were bored, or because you wanted free boba (that was the case with me downloading Proxii on Sproul), you probably end up using them and either loving or hating them (the apps and the people you go on dates with).
In the beginning, when I first downloaded these apps, I was curious to see what all the rave was about. It was new and exciting for a while and served as something to cure my boredom. Now that it’s been months, the excitement has worn off, and I have come to dread the responses I receive and the interactions I have. Obviously, many people on these dating apps are only looking for quick hookups, which is understandable considering the platform. However, I don’t think that that counts as an excuse for how so many men act on these apps. Some lines are clever, some are just flat-out disgusting. And when you constantly keep receiving these nauseating messages across multiple apps, it has an effect on you as a woman. A draining one.
For me personally, the barrage of nasty texts I’ve received and conversations that I’ve had have made me feel like my body was the most important or interesting thing about me. As if there couldn’t possibly be anything more to me, and even if there was, it’s not even remotely captivating enough to take (or feign) interest in. It makes you feel almost worthless, and experiences on here, along with typical experiences of being a woman (like being catcalled constantly), pile on and lead to feeling like a piece of meat. Being objectified through a screen and in real life can be exhausting and contribute to you questioning your identity. With countless messages about wanting to be “inside you” from strangers, your self-worth can take a hit and it can start to feel like maybe you’re not worth getting to know.
But, you are worth getting to know. Trust me when I tell you that your body is the least interesting thing about you. You are so much more nuanced and contain so many more layers than the people on these apps could ever imagine. I’m writing this because I know I’m not the only woman going through this and I’m well aware of how your self-image can be distorted by how others view you and what they expect from you. So, let this piece serve as a reminder that their words are a projection of them and not a reflection of you. Don’t let any person on these apps let you believe otherwise.
So, while I’ve had my fair share of fun on dating apps, the experiences have mostly been disturbing and degrading and have left me wondering if they’re really even worth it at all. It’s even more unfortunate that even if you’re not on these platforms, the daily in-person harassment you face as a woman doesn’t cease. It’s almost as if, by being a woman, you unknowingly signed a contract agreeing to constant intimidation and pestering from men that you just have to get used to. But we shouldn’t have to, and we shouldn’t be taking these provocations behind a screen either. They are crude and disrespectful, and, collectively, we as women deserve so much more.
But as with most experiences in life, these platforms have taught me a lesson — other people’s perceptions of you should not affect how you see yourself. I promise that you have so much to offer to the world and even though it might be difficult, you shouldn’t be wasting your time on people who don’t appreciate you for anything other than the house that contains your magnificent soul.