Dear INFJ,
On a good day, I look like this.
On a good day, I listen to my Indie rock playlist instead of the “Singing in the Shower” one.
On a good day, I would actually eat real breakfast instead of a strawberry Pop-Tart.
The first thing I noticed about you is the way you always attribute good things in your day-to-day life to the labeling of a day being a “good day.” Every little celebratory detail comes out so naturally. It appeared to be a positive, cheery phrase to start a sentence, but deep down I saw how this was a defense for the bad days that haunted you, how anxious you were that a day would turn into a “bad day.” And I wished I could have shielded you from the bad days then, to show you that you are capable of turning a bad day into a good day.
“The day can’t control anything, okay? It’s honestly down to you and what you want to do.”
And you would always say, “No, I’m just blessed by the ‘good day’ energy at the moment.” As if everything is on the brink of tumbling downhill the second the good day spirit clocks out.
And now, whenever I think back to you saying “on a good day,” I can’t help but wonder if I was the cause of some of your bad days. Or worse, maybe the good days that we’ve had together were the reason the bad days are as bad as they are now. I guess I am writing this because I hope you know that even if our relationship failed, it was not because you failed as a person, but rather because I failed us; I made the day a bad day.
Knowing how you think, you must have thought that I hated you, that somehow you appeared to be this horrible, unlovable person that acted in an unattractive way that drove people’s love away. I don’t. I cannot for a second in my life look at you in any negative light, even if I want to. When we were together, there was never a bad day. And it is because of no one else but you, not some mystical good day phantom.
It was a good day when we missed the BART to San Francisco and ended up lying on the Glade the entire day. It was a good day when we watched that Ted Bundy series on Netflix that was so bad, but we didn’t care about what was playing anyways. It was a good day when we bought twenty candles for your twentieth birthday party but forgot to bring a lighter. It is still a good day now because those were the good days then. When I think of a good day, I think of you. And if occasionally there is a bad day, don’t stress out and let them rain all over your sunny ones because if it’s you, it will always be a good day.
You deserve so much more than you think, and I don’t need to remind you of this, but have a good day.
Sincerely,
ENTJ