What to Expect When You're *Not* Expecting

Do you know what the most frustrating part of being 20 and in college is? I’m young enough to still do stupid things, but I’m still on the verge of adulthood. Just yesterday I was graduating high school and not having adult things to worry about. (Rent is super expensive, just so everyone knows.)

Being on the verge of adulthood also means that people are pushing you towards full-on adulthood. People are always asking me what I’m doing after college or something along those lines.

But the worst questions I get asked are, “Are you pregnant yet?” or, “When are you going to settle down and pop out a kid?”

My answer: no. Just no.

I’m sorry, but when was it up to everyone else when I was having kids? Wait, I’m never having kids, so when was it up for everyone else to decide?

No, I’m never having kids, and let’s break down the costs.



According to Fair Health Consumer, the cost of obstetrical pre- and postpartum care in the city of Cheyenne (where I’m from) is $6,949. A cesarean delivery with pre- and postpartum care is $6,162.

Prepartum care could include vitamins and special pregnancy pills that make you and the baby healthy. And you’ll spend money on food you crave and amazing products like the Pregnancy Pillow (which we all REALLLLLLLLY need. Please).

*With this website, you can see the cost of medical bills in the zip code you live in. Costs vary nationwide.

You take the kid home. You need the essentials: car seat, carrier, stroller, high chair, crib, changing table, dresser for cute baby clothes, baby clothes, diapers, diaper rash cream, baby powder, a baby tub for your sink/bath, baby soap, bottles, and formula (or a breast pumper if you are breastfeeding). If I’m forgetting something, please let me know.

What about daycare? That’s expensive too.

Then you pay for food and clothes up until they can fully support themselves. Sometimes that’s not until after college (thanks mom, BTW, for buying me new shoes and helping me pay rent).

You need a health care plan, dental plan, insurance for basically everything, and what if your kid is sick? Medication for asthma, ADD/ADHD etc. is also expensive.

If you have a lot of kids or you’re feeling extra motherly, you’re probably going to buy a minivan.

Also, you and bae can’t stay in that one-bedroom apartment. No…. you’ll probably need a house. That’s even more expensive.

And God forbid you end up having a boy with a high metabolism who eats everything in your home. I’m looking at my brother, Joel. Thanks for eating my leftover pasta when I came home for the weekend.

I guess the real outcome of this realization is that we should thank our parents more. Granted, I’m probably going to have a really good job with good health care, and I can eventually write off my kids for taxes, but still.


Stop asking me about my life, I’m planning on having a long one. For now, I’m just worried about graduating college. We’ll see what happens from there.

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