Your first year of college is such a crazy experience. You are on your own for the first time. You can big kid decisions like getting Ben & Jerry’s from Wal-mart at 11 p.m. and your parents can’t tell you no. You can decide whether or not to go to class when it’s snowing and then realize immediately after skipping it was a terrible idea. You can plan your whole schedule all on your own. It’s a big deal. You make new friends and sometimes, new romantic relationships.
This happened my freshman year. I finally got away from a town where I had the same 46 boys in my classes since the 4th grade and there were so many cute boys! One stood out and we immediately started dating. Like, a week into school. He was my prince charming, the ONE, all that gushy stuff. My friends in college were his friends in college. I no longer talked to the four girls from my hometown I came to college with. I spent every spare second with him and “our” friends. Studying, watching movies in our dorm rooms, going out to really romantic dates at Washakie, the whole shebang. Him and I melded into the same person and would say our names as a pair. “Well are you and him coming tonight?” “I wonder if Sara and him are on their way yet.” People in college only knew us as a pair. Until spring semester. We broke up right after Christmas break when he told me it wasn’t working and I soon found out he had cheated on me during Christmas break. I was shattered. My perfect little college world was in pieces and I didn’t even know how to function without him. I had to make new friends, branch out, sit by myself at Washakie, all while being utterly heartbroken.
Looking back, I’m fully aware how naive I was. But, that’s not what I took most out of this experience. I learned to be myself. After we broke up, I was just a shell of myself. I had no real personality because I had just melded mine with his. My college friends didn’t know me without him and that was the absolute worst. They didn’t know how to act without him around. I felt alone and empty. You can feel so whole while that person is around, but what happens when they leave?
When you come to college, so many things change and shift that you need to take time to be you. I’m not saying you can’t have a relationship, but be sure to still branch out. If they don’t like that, which my boyfriend didn’t, ditch them. This is a time for you to experience and learn who you truly are without your parents or anyone else shaping that for you. Learn to be alone. Embrace having a weird lunch break so you have to eat at Washakie by yourself. Join Greek Life. Whether it’s a social or professional organization, find something that inspires you, not someone. Learn what your values are, whether you like swing dancing or not, go to a crazy house party on Thaxton and find out that’s not for you, or join intramurals. Do something for you because in the end, this experience is for YOU. You came to UW to benefit your future and build a better life for yourself. It someone grabs onto that seeing how wonderful of a person you are, go for it. But please, learn from me and don’t spend an entire year on someone who didn’t love you for you and didn’t want to see you grow.
I know who I am now. I’m a junior who loves writing things like this, a good cup of tea, and cats. The best part of becoming yourself in college can be that finally, when you’re all settled and good with being alone and after two years of “doing you,” someone can come along and challenge you, not undermine you. They’ll think you’re the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen and it will be easier to look yourself in the mirror and know who’s looking back at you.