1. Really, you’re not going to answer?
2. Like, no, it’s fine, didn’t wanna talk to you anyway.
3. Wait, what if he’s hurt and that’s why he didn’t answer…
4. The roads are icy…
5. What if he’s dead and that’s the last thing I thought about him?
6. I am the worst.
7. No, he’s the worst.
8. Maybe his ex-girlfriend called him and wanted him back.
9. She is like a model.
10. Like, I’m talking skinny, blonde hair, blue eyes. *whole package*
11. And I’m over here looking like a potato.
12. I mean, all I really wanted to call him for was so he could watch this adorable cat video.
13. It was adorable okay? Don’t judge me.
14. What if he got kidnapped?
15. Do people kidnap twenty-somethings?
16. Or is it called adult-napping?
17. That sounds like a totally different thing though…
18. Whatever, he’s a jerk for not answering.
19. I’m a goddess and he should be waiting for my call.
20. The goddess of potatoes, that is.
21. Actually, the goddess of lattes would be more suiting…
22. OKAY seriously it’s been like, two minutes.
23. No text or anything?
24. I’ll just text him repeatedly like a crazy person.
25. “WHY YOU NO ANSWER ME”
26. *pissed emoji*
27. *poop emoji*
28. *peach emoji*
29. *eggplant emoji*
30. Jesus, it’s a good thing he loves me.
31. I’m a handful.
32. But also a potato/latte goddess.
33. Maybe he’s just driving and wants to be safe.
34. There we go! Look at me, being positive.
35. But really, five minutes.
36. He’s probably playing Fallout 4 again.
37. Like, what is with boys and their fascination with video games?
38. I mean, I sit on pinterest all night but that’s totally different.
39. Ugh.
40. Whatever. I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man.
41. Except for cuddles.
42. Because a girl has to have something to put her icy feet under.
43. Winter is coming, people.
44. That jerk, I’m so not answering when he calls.
45. Or I’ll let it go to the last ring.
46. Let him know how it feels.
47. He’s so dumb all he ever does i—
*phone rings*
*picks up on first ring*
“Hey sweetie, I missed you so much!”