I confess – I have a little bit of an addiction to YouTube. I use it not just for music but to watch vlogs. If you don’t know, “vloggers” film their daily lives for their fans on the other side of the screen. And as writing can be quite a lonely experience, daily vloggers to me are a quick way to get human interaction; to have people tell you about their day when my actual friends are inundated with homework.
No, this is not a confused selfie-taker. This is a vlogger.
On top of vlogs, there are endless other ways of getting “human interaction” on YouTube. With the plethora of stand-up comedy videos, short sketches, and “Storytime” videos where a YouTuber sits and tells you about an experience they had that is typically either horrifying or ridiculous, it is a bottomless pit of entertainment. And of course, who could forget the infamous troll videos (I’m looking at you, Trisha Paytas)?
So a week without that? Good thing the upcoming week was going to be busy.
PREPARATION: MARCH 13
I had to stop watching the night before because I knew I’d keep watching until 2 a.m. like I usually did. So I stopped myself around 11 p.m. and read a book.
Now this book, Fatema Mernissi’s Scheherazade Goes West, had been assigned for school, but the test based on it had already passed. That meant I was reading for fun. For an hour. I couldn’t believe I actually had time to spare.
DAY 1: MARCH 14
Fairly easy. I went downtown to do some interviews after class so I was running around everywhere and I didn’t have time or energy to spend on watching other people live their lives. But I was curious to see how my willpower was going to deteriorate throughout the week.
DAY 2: MARCH 15
Again, another hectic day. I needed to bus around the city (the joys of being a journalist: never being in one place for long) for various reasons and had a dress rehearsal on campus to go to, on top of needing to watch a movie for school and other homework. I’d figured I’d cave in to YouTube as it was my usual refuge from stress. But I didn’t.
Soon, I thought. It was inevitable.
DAY 3: MARCH 16
It hit me around 9PM. I was working on a rather dark article for a journalism class that focused on a complex social issue. I was also on the silent floor of the library in the basement. It was very grey and kind of depressing and I was getting kind of tired. Every part of me just wanted to listen to a light-hearted song on YouTube.
But I’d made a pact to myself. I’d follow through (unless there was a school assignment involved, which there would be later on in the week). Even if Justin Bieber’s “Sorry” was tantalizing me in my head. To remedy my urge, I physically got up. I went home. And then I took a shower.
After that, I felt healthy and clean. I could think clearly again.
Then I actually started doing more homework. This “no YouTube” thing was really starting to help my productivity.
DAY 4: MARCH 17
On Thursday, I was required to watch a YouTube video for one of my Gender Studies classes. The video featured a panel of black women talking about the issues they faced in society. They referenced the movie 12 Years a Slave a lot – especially the character of Patsy, which really made me want to check out any clips they had of her on YouTube. I partly wanted to watch the clips so I could write a more-informed response paper for the class, and partly wanted to watch them out of pure interest.
Anyways, I didn’t get the chance. I had to go to a dance rehearsal at 7. And when I came back at 9 p.m., I had to write my response to the video. I also had to edit a couple of memoirs for my creative nonfiction class. Still, even though I was busy, I was surprised I was holding on.
DAY 5: MARCH 18
I had the chance to catch up on writing resumes for summer jobs when I came home. I could even practice a little bit for the two dance performances I had the following day. I couldn’t search up the music to Fifth Harmony’s “Worth It,” which was the song our group was dancing to, but I could open the mp3 file my salsa teacher sent the team to practice with. And that was good enough for me.
I started to learn that if I kept myself busy I was fine. I just had to find alternative, consistent ways to occupy my hyperactive mind other than watching videos for hours on end.
DAY 6: MARCH 19
On Saturday I had absolutely no chance to stop and watch a video. I had two dance performances later that night, and I was still stressed about practicing for one of them as well as getting the finishing touches on the costume together. This was the one time when my lack of organization worked to my advantage.
Earlier in the day, I bused downtown to get nylon tights for one of the performances that night. When I got home I remembered that the girls from my salsa team were coming over later, and realized that my room was a horrendous mess. I took an hour to clean because I couldn’t have the girls from my team see me in my natural habitat. Not that natural, anyway.
I practiced the routine an hour before our last rehearsal in an empty room in Clearihue – then I was off! I thought I had the steps down pretty well, but one of the dancers didn’t show up to rehearsal, so the teacher had to restage the entire show. Bye-bye, any free time.
Turned out there wasn’t even enough time to get ready with the girls. They had pushed back makeup to 7:30 p.m. and I had to rush off to my first performance in the Farquhar Auditorium. And after we went on stage at 8, I went straight to the 2nd show downtown with the girls.
By the time I came home it was 2 a.m., and I had been dancing all night. I hadn’t even worn my own heels for the salsa social dance because I’d forgotten both pairs backstage at the first show, so my feet were exhausted, scratched and bruised. Needless to say, I was done for the night.
DAY 7: MARCH 20
I asked to borrow the keys to the McKinnon dance studio after a ballroom club Goodbye Social because I wanted to dance hip-hop by myself. I hadn’t done that in a while. I opened YouTube, and while on the home page I wondered why I hadn’t seen any of the recommended videos yet. Then I remembered I was supposed to write this post, and couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten about my challenge.
I won’t lie, I almost gave in. I missed hip-hop. I wanted to channel school stress from the week into art, converting ever-frantic energy into self-expression.
But then I thought about if I’d feel if I’d caved on the last day. How sh***y that would feel when I was already so close to finishing. And I centered myself.
OK, I didn’t center myself. I actually battled with the decision of whether or not to click on a song some more. But I quickly closed the tab I’d opened for YouTube, closed my laptop, and put the laptop in my bag.
Then I walked out of the studio.
AFTERMATH: MARCH 21 ONWARDS
I feel so proud that I actually went a full week without YouTube. I had tried that once last semester, but caved because I wanted to watch a Miley Cyrus performance online before going to her concert to see if it was worth going to. This time, I was successful.
Now that the week is over, I still haven’t gone on YouTube. I think I know why. Not only did I become more productive, but I also found myself more emotionally healthy and happy. I spent so much time comparing myself to other people’s lives – especially to the exciting ones I saw by the vloggers – that I was stopping myself from dealing with my problems in my real life. I realized that through YouTube, I was choosing to take the easy route by watching other people live their lives instead of facing my own.
After my week deprived of the site, I’m finding myself less scared to deal with hard situations. When something difficult turns up, I either find a solution or move on. I’m dwelling less on things because I can’t lose myself in other people’s lives anymore. I’m learning to deal with my own sh**. And I guess in that way, I’m learning to become more emotionally independent.
Of course, it has only been a week and a day. I have yet to see if this “profound” experience actually changes anything substantial in my psyche. But one thing’s for certain: I proved to myself that I really do have willpower.