Do you live close enough to your partner to see them on weekends but not during the week? Do your schedules not quite line up every week? Are you not long enough to be long distance but not short enough to see them all the time? Are you going back to your hometowns for the summer and not staying in the same place? Don’t fret, you can survive it.
Here’s a few tips on how I manage to survive that pesky middle distance relationship, (we’re an hour apart during the summer and 4+ hours during the school year).
Communicate your needs
Communicating for the sake of communicating isn’t what’s meant when people say you need to communicate. Being able to fully express how you are feeling and what you emotionally, mentally, or physically need from your partner can make all the difference. Honesty and trust in one another are huge indicators of whether it is a healthy relationship as well.
It can sometimes feel like you have the same conversation every time:
“Hi” “Hey” “How are u” “I’m good, u” “I’m doing good” “I miss you” “Miss u more” “I love you” “I love u”
Being able to break that cycle and talk about what you miss or are looking forward to doing next seems like a small and easy thing, but it can be hard. Don’t be afraid to express how you’re feeling, even if it is a negative emotion. Those hard talks sometimes have the best rewards, such as gaining more trust for each other or more strength in the relationship. Knowing each others’ boundaries is important and being able to talk about them is crucial for any kind of distance in a relationship.
Know your partner’s love language
Whether it’s physical touch, quality time, gift-giving, words of affirmation, or acts of service, knowing both your own and your partner’s love languages can make all the difference. If you don’t know your love language, take this quiz.
If it’s words of affirmation, simply sending your partner a text or writing them a letter showing your appreciation for them or telling them what they mean to you can make a huge difference.
Physical touch, unfortunately, is very hard to do when you’re not with your partner. In that case, I’ve found having articles of their clothing to wear or a plush given by them can help, though it really isn’t the same.
Quality time can be as simple as falling asleep on the phone or FaceTime together. It can also be when you see each other, putting away all phones and other distractions to focus on each other.
Gift-giving can mean seeing a simple trinket that reminds you of them and wanting to give it to your partner.
Acts of service could be making the drive out just to see them, going over your partner’s homework if they need a second opinion while still in school, or using a food delivery app to send them dinner.
Make time for each other
Spontaneity can be difficult when it comes to seeing each other, however, that doesn’t mean you can’t still surprise your partner. Yes, you can know the days you’ll see each other, but your partner or you can come up with a plan of what to do and not tell your partner until they’re there. Knowing the weekends when you will see each other makes the wait worth it. Being able to see your partner makes the long hours during weeks of work or school feel inconsequential.
Speaking from experience, just knowing that I’ll be seeing him on the weekend makes everything worth it. It can even be carving out a day to talk on the phone or have a FaceTime to catch each other up on what has been going on. Something as simple as a FaceTime for my boyfriend to live react to the many TikToks I’ve sent really helped us when the distance feels so much further than it is. It may only be an hour drive when I’m home for summers and the winter break, but that hour can feel like an eternity.
Be Willing To Make The Trip
Seeing each other every weekend, for a day or the whole weekend, or once or twice during the week, even if it’s just an evening makes all the difference. Getting good at packing a weekend bag to be able to spend the night also helps. At first, it can seem hard to make that hour drive (one-way that is) and then back again the same day, or as time goes on, you find yourself wishing you didn’t have to go back home. Since I’m the only one that can drive in my relationship, I end up being the one to travel back and forth (though I’ve made him take the bus once or twice). I got good at learning the traffic and the best times to leave on my weekly drive. In the end though, seeing him always made the traffic (and price of gas) worth it every single time.
In the end, medium distance relationships can be easier than long distance relations or just as hard. It comes down to being able to communicate with your partner your emotional, physical, and mental needs, as well as learning about them as a person. The more you and your partner learn about and grow with one another, the easier and harder it is to not see each other every day.
Having that distance also allows each partner to grow as a person and work on themselves, not just within the confines of a relationship, but as an individual. Both my boyfriend and I have found that having a life outside of each other allows us to still be interesting and grow our own careers and interests without our lives revolving around one another. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
Though, with that said, I absolutely hate any distance between my boyfriend and I.