College is fantastic! Until you realize you have to share your space with strangers. We’ve all seen the shows where everyone meets in college and ends up being besties for life, so why have you and your roommate not struck up that unbreakable bond yet?
Roommates can make great friends. You’ll share college heartbreaks, late-night study sessions, see them at their best (and worst) states, and share special memories. That said, creating a truly harmonious home can be challenging, everyone has unique habits and personalities which makes living together tricky at times. These are some of the most “toxic” traits that emerge when we cohabitate, and what to do about them!
The “borrower”
Hey, I swear I only brought this milk yesterday! Have I been making lattes in my sleep, or could there be a more straightforward explanation? Maybe your roommate can’t stop “borrowing” your things, but sometimes, it’s a lack of understanding. Hard as it is to believe, they might assume that you won’t notice or care much if they use a little of your milk or your spread.
If it’s bugging you, talk to them instead of putting passive-aggressive notes on the fridge, or labeling every carton of milk. A solution could be to share the costs of everyday household items (bread, milk, dish soap) and invest in a jumbo or family size instead. This way, you save some cash, and it won’t be an issue when your roommate dips into the stash.
The “extra” roommate
Things are going great in your room-mates relationship; that’s fantastic. Their S/O seems like a nice person. You were all for this coupling when it was hinge dates and juicy gossip! That is until it became clear that their partner does not spend much time at home (or any).
If you find yourself with an extra housemate, try not to turn it into a confrontation; instead, take your roommate aside and clarify where you stand on the situation. Asking them to choose between you and their partner may cause hurt and conflict, but gently asking if their partner can contribute towards the chores or supplement the rent is reasonable. If they’ve genuinely “moved in” and make life unpleasant, you may also take your concerns to the landlord. Having an extra tenant usually needs the approval of the landlord first!
The noisy one
This one is, unfortunately, a widespread occurrence. You and your roomie do not have matching schedules, social groups, or study habits. If you’re struggling to get your quiet time at home, maybe you can also take a look at your routine. Are there times you can compromise by booking out campus study spaces, going to a friend’s place to study, or even finding a shared lounge?
When noise disrupts your sleep schedule, work with your roommate to find a “quiet” time or establish a curfew that works for both of you. Often buildings or roommate agreements will have these guidelines built-in, so you can review these together too. If one of you needs to break the curfew, maybe for a fun social or late night, agree to give each other fair warning. If it’s too much and it is affecting your work, you can get community leaders and landlords involved, especially if their noise breaks an official contract.
The one with no boundaries
This roommate has no issue leaving their underwear around the room, or perhaps they share too many details about their private life than you’d like. Somehow, you feel like a prude, but the truth is we all have different comfort levels. In this case, it is best to agree to disagree. Their worldview or background could be vastly different to yours, affecting their approach to personal matters. It isn’t black and white.
Try to address this one with a conversation. Start with “I” statements, for example, “I feel uncomfortable when x” or “I would prefer if you didn’t discuss x with me”. Starting with “you” can feel confrontational or accusatory and could make your roommate feel defensive or ashamed. It is not about shaming them; it is about working to create a boundary you can both live with.
The messy one
Sharing living quarters can make life unpleasant or downright unhygienic, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Every house has a messy roommate. If you can’t work out who it is then it might be you!
Establish where the “shared” spaces in the house are. For example, if their belongings infringe on your side of the room or make it difficult to relax in the lounge, try having a chat to set out some ground rules about where their mess shouldn’t be. You will likely have to live with their untidy bed and desk if they agree to do their part in the bathroom and kitchen. Another solution could be to designate a time to clean up together. Some people find it difficult and demotivating to clean alone. You can share the chores, blast some music, and maybe even bond!
While we tend to stray from conflict, talking it through is the only way to address differences in living styles. Try not to sweep things under the rug or let issues worsen before you say something. Be prepared to do some self-reflection too. After all, opening the door to complaints may mean you also listen to some constructive feedback. With a proactive conversation, you can skip the fights and get straight to the fun part: making great college memories!