Dating in your 20s is hard. That’s not a controversial statement, most people would agree that it becomes difficult to meet people organically. Even in a university setting, sometimes it isn’t easy to get into a relationship as quickly as you’d like. A possible solution to this? Dating apps. Not everyone’s cup of tea for sure, but it’s worthwhile to look at some pros and cons of what these apps can bring you. Full disclaimer, personally I’m a woman who only dates women on dating apps, so my experience might be a bit different than yours.
Is There One Better Than the Other?
First, I want to look at the different apps. The three main ones I would say are Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble. After a while on all three, I can say that they all bring different things to the table, and it depends on what you’re looking for.
While Tinder has the widest selection, the app having the most users doesn’t mean it has the best selection. It can feel like you need to swipe through five people before getting to someone you’d actually enjoy going out with. In my experience, there’s also always couples looking for a third, which gets annoying really quickly. Another downside is that it’s hard to get a feel for their personality since you can’t add much to your profile, and pictures are the main focus.
Bumble is the opposite of Tinder. For women, the selection is tiny. I get the “no one else in your area” message often. The good part about the app though, is its ability to force people to talk. After you match with someone you have twenty-four hours to message them or they disappear. It forces people to take action instead of letting your matches rot in your saves. There’s also a bigger focus on personality, with prompts being more front and center, you have to see someone’s answers to see all their pictures.
Finally Hinge, my personal favorite. I’ve heard from a lot of straight women that it sucks, but for me it’s amazing. A perfect middle in between Bumble and Tinder, there’s a wide enough selection of people you can actually see yourself going out with. There’s a good focus on personality and I find myself laughing at a lot of the prompts. It’s definitely the app that’s gotten me the most dates and that I’ve found myself using the most. The only downside I would say is that you only have seven likes per day and then you have to wait until it resets at midnight.
Other’s Experience
I decided to also ask the people around me what they thought of dating apps and why they used them.
One girl said it was good for the experiences and stories that came out of them, but it often made for really awkward first dates after spending so much time talking online already. She also mentioned that a lot of the men were just creepy or weird.
Another said it was “horrible.” She claimed it was superficial, you were judging a person based on one or two jokes and a few pictures. She continued to say that the apps are infused with self-hatred and insecurity and should be terminated so people could meet organically again.
Another girl said, “For me, it was kind of boring – most women don’t swipe on me and men say weird things and some of them are REALLY old. Like it’s concerning – my high score is like sixtysomething.” She also mentioned how the lack of space for personality and all the boring small talk makes it hard to actually connect or be attracted to a person.
On a good note, one girl said it was good if you were careful. She said she met a lot of creeps but it’s also how she ended up finding her boyfriend and they’ve been together for almost two years now.
I got other comments like; “It’s the trenches”, “I have had no success”, “Horrid,” and “scared of being abducted”
All of these accounts are from people who use the apps for both men and women.
Is It Worth It?
As someone with little to no dating experience, I personally enjoy using dating apps. It’s fun, it’s not too serious, and it’s easy. I will say, the constant texting does get slightly monotonous, and it sometimes feels like you’re not even talking to a real person.
However, there are a lot of downsides. There’s sometimes a feeling of alienation, that none of these people are real. It’s hard to truly connect on a dating app and sadly most dates don’t end up leading to a relationship. If anything, most times they end up being awkward and filled with long silences. It’s also very easy to get ghosted and never hear from someone you thought you had a connection with (it happens to me about once a week). Though I can’t say I’m not guilty of it myself, ghosting on dating apps just feels too easy. For women dating men the dangers of going on actual dates are also a big concern. Not to mention the old men, the cheesy pickup lines, and the slightly off-putting comments.
In the end, dating apps are a personal choice. I recommend trying them out, and seeing how it feels for you. If it’s not your cup of tea, well at least you tried! There’s always hope of meeting someone organically, romance isn’t completely dead.