I am the eternally single friend. I never have a plus-one to events, I’m always free on the weekend, and I spend every Valentine’s Day buying myself overpriced chocolate. If you’re like me, you’ve probably considered trying dating apps. Why not, right? In theory, it’s the ultimate convenience for meeting the largest pool of nearby single people and quickly sorting through them. The key words in that sentence are “in theory.” After a week of using only tinder, I became curious about the differences between the apps and websites out there. Why are there so many? Is there a “best” one to use? What kinds of profiles are the most successful?
After months of using dating apps to find romance, I’ve decided to share my expertise. In this first instalment of a series, I will show you how to create the perfect profile. Too often, people neglect to spend time on their profiles because it’s a daunting challenge to make one. Your profile is the most critical part of getting good matches! You want it to reflect who you are and to attract the kind of people you’re interested in. Below are two simple steps with a bunch of easy-to-follow rules to building a killer profile:
Step 1. Photos
First of all: a picture is worth a thousand words. I’m a big, sappy believer in falling for people based on who they are, and your photos say a lot about you. The people you’ll be talking to haven’t had the chance to see you in person to get a read on you, so they’re going entirely by what you’ve put on this profile. This is your opportunity to make the best possible first impression!
People on dating apps often aren’t looking at your photos expecting to see a Victoria’s Secret model; they’re looking for what kind of person you are. A lot of their judgement about who you are is going to be based off what they read from your photos. Of course, they’re also looking for what they’re attracted to as well! There are a few rules you can follow to make your profile more enticing:
1. Quality
If you have a fancy camera or a friend with a fancy camera (or go to a university that will let you borrow a fancy camera!) take an afternoon, a friend, some confidence, and do a glitzy photo-shoot of yourself. While a good selfie cam can produce some nice pics, HD is going to make you look way better and will allow people to see all your features. Poorly lit grainy selfies make it hard to see what you look like and to appreciate your beauty, and they don’t allow for much variety.
This kind of setup might be overkill
2. Variety
Take some face photos, full-body shots, torso shots, and any other angle you feel like. The more people can see you, the more they’re going to feel they can read you! Switch up your location as well; this can be a great way to show potential matches what you like (or at least that you don’t live full-time in a cave). Go to the beach, the park, or on a hike to let the landscape do the work for you when it comes to impressing people. I’d recommend making a day of it with a friend; you’d be surprised how much fun having a photo-shoot of yourself can be once you get comfortable in front of the camera!
What would you assume about this guy based on this photo?
3. It’s All About You
Solo photos only! Don’t put group photos in your profile. You might find it easy to pick yourself out in a crowd, but a stranger does not. While it might seem like a good idea to use that group shot from a camping trip to show you do things with friends, it’s not worth the time it takes to work out which person in the photo is you. You want the focus to be on you and only you!
Who am I swiping yes on? Don’t do this!
4. Leave the Ex Behind
This might seem obvious, but any photos with your ex (be they overtly romantic or not) should stay out of your profile. First of all, this violates rule #3 because someone else is in the photo. Secondly, it looks like you are either already in a relationship or very much not over your ex. Not a good first impression to make on a potential new romance! If you look really great in the photo, consider cropping your ex out and then using it – symbolic and practical at the same time.
Nothing says “emotionally unavailable” quite so clearly
5. Smile!
A good smile gets more clicks. Try to capture yourself having a good time; it will translate really well in a photo and draw people in! Natural photos tend to work better than anything posed. Experiment with lighting, background and angle, and find what makes you happy. If you feel like you look terrible, then try something new! Look up some photography tips, specifically portrait ones. It’s not you; I guarantee it’s the camera. Always remember: sunsets look breathtaking in person, but they look like crap if you photograph them wrong. You’re the sunset in this cheesy metaphor.
You’re still the sunset
To summarize: you want your photos to be high quality, varied, and focused on you, and you want them to show your best side. Think about what photos would make you want to know someone better and apply that to yourself. I know it can be hard to be confident about how you look in photos, but have fun with it and be yourself!
Step 2. Bio
Alright, you’ve got tons photos of yourself to choose from now. People are going to see your beautiful smile and lose their breath. Or at least pause in their robotic swiping. Now what? Time to write a self-description. These will vary in length depending on what app you use; however, a general rule of thumb is to make them as short as possible because people are lazy. Not a solid rule, however! My first bio was almost a page long and I matched with a writer who loved that I wrote. If you feel a longer bio expresses you better, follow your heart.
If you thought taking photos was hard, it’s time to sit at your desk for four hours while you wonder about who you truly are and how you can express the essence of your concept of self in four witty sentences or fewer. Good thing I already did the existential questioning so that you don’t have to!
1. Steal Other People’s Ideas
Before you write your bio, take a poke around the dating app and see what other people have written. Are there popular clichés you should avoid? What made you laugh or take an interest in someone? What formats work and what ones do not? Don’t outright plagiarize – that would be uncool – but gather inspiration and get a starting point.
Investigate the bios
2. Find a Friend
Text or annoy your closest friend(s) and ask them to describe you. Don’t get them to write your bio for you, because, in my experience, they’ll either troll you or write something too sappy to be used. See what they say are your most noticeable traits, your strengths and the things that make you unique or (positive) stereotypes that you fit in. This will give you some ideas of what to put in your bio, since it’s incredibly hard to look at yourself from an outside perspective. It’s a good experience for your self-esteem as well! You’d be surprised at the things your friends love about you that you’d never have thought of.
Remember: friendship is just as important as romance
3. Make it Natural
Now that you’ve got a list of what makes a good bio and a list of descriptors for yourself, time to mash them together! Reach for your inner confidence and sit down to write a glowing introduction to who you are and what you’re about. Remember, this isn’t a job interview but neither is it a casual text to your bro. You’re on here to find someone nice, so be sure you come across as someone nice. I can’t give you a perfect, winning formula, but don’t be discouraged if you need to come back and revise it a couple times before you’re happy with it!
You can do it!
4. Give Them an In
Final tip: Make sure there’s a conversation starter in your bio. References to interests or a cool fact about yourself are good for this. Do you like pizza? So does everybody else, which is a good thing! Pets, TV shows, sports and hobbies not only make you look like a fun human to be around, they give people you’ve matched with something to talk about. Don’t be afraid to be direct about this, either. “If we match, tell me your favourite SpongeBob quote” gets more responses than you might think!
“I can’t believe we both like cheese pizza!”
There you have it! It may seem like a lot of work, and it kind of is. Dating apps aren’t an instant all-access pass to guaranteed romance; you’re going to need to work at it a bit. Maybe that will be your thing or maybe it won’t, but now you’ve got all the tools you need to get a great start!