Edited by Avleen Grewal
Tinder is the epitome of choosing a cute puppy but for boys. Period. Pick and choose potential matches based on quirky bios, height, dog photos or lose all dignity and go for the first shirtless photo you see. If you don’t like them, you can always swipe left or simply never talk to them again (you’re just a number here anyway, you’ll never see him again).
We narrowed down the 10 types of tinder matches at UofT so you don’t have to waste your time looking. If all else fails, go spend your $9.99 premium membership on bubble tea instead. You’re welcome.
The one with the dogs that aren’t actually his dogs
His tinder photos look more like an animal adoption ad than an actual dating profile and you aren’t fazed. Though, you start to question if someone can really have THAT MANY DOGGOS. After a few moments of skimming through his profile, you realize those aren’t actually his dogs with the line “these are my ________’s dogs”, or he may straight up lie to you on the first date and reveal his master plan.
You have been deceived. If catfishing had a category for cute guys with dog photos, he would have his own MTV reality show.
Abs abs abs
It’s pretty clear that this boy puts a lot of work in the gym. Weaknesses include shirtless mirror selfies, shirtless photos at the beach and the occasional tank top photo with his biceps on display. He makes up for his 2.0 GPA with 5% body fat and lean muscle. Most likely goes to New College. If not, he probably studies Kinesiology (because abs) or is in Rotman because his parents forced him to find a reasonable career path. Please keep a good distance.
The econ major
You never wanted to punch someone in the face so bad, but damn, does he look hot in a peacoat. His hair probably takes up half of his morning routine, and it is understandable with the amount of product (his hair looks very sexy pushed back). He probably does a double major with IR, poli sci, or even worse: is actually an econ specialist. The TA has a passive-aggressive relationship with him probably because of his obnoxious efforts to correct the prof. He is probably on his college’s student government, has ‘student politician/community activist’ in his Instagram or Twitter bio and is thinking about running for the UTSU. Will have PTSD of ECO100 and MAT135 from first year, if not retaking the course for the 1388494th time. Your first date will probably be at the One-Eighty where he will ghost you after dissing his political affiliations.
$$$
80% of the time an international student or is from Leaside, York Mills, Rosedale or Richmond Hill. His photos were probably taken on his balcony condo on Yonge and Bloor. If not, his parents probably paid for his own place at CampusOne. Expect him to flaunt his money in the form of a sports car, Canada Goose jacket or a date at the Drake One Fifty. Sometimes you wonder if you’re just eye-candy or a charity project. If you stick it long enough, you will slowly turn into his $$$$$$ girlfriend.
This man can dress to the nines but his airpods and gucci belt are a major dealbreaker. Either way, his heart is pure gold and so is his Louis Vuitton wallet.
UofT imposter
His three ex-girlfriends and five other Tinder matches all go to UofT and so do you. Two dates in, you’ll realize that you were fooled all along and that he doesn’t even go to UofT but puts it in his bio. Probably studies business at Ryerson or is located 2km away and goes to Western. Take some major precautions.
6ix god incarnate
Probably either from Toronto or the GTA (most likely Ajax, Scarborough or Pickering) . His definition of Toronto news is 6ixbuzz and considers it an accomplishment to make it on the account. Spotify artists include Chance the Rapper, Travis Scott, the Weeknd, and Drake. Much of his closet consists of streetwear (THE OVO HOODIES) and sneakers that are worth more than your makeup collection.
Will probably take you to Cactus Club, STK or Milestones depending on his budget.
Wannabe 6ix god incarnate
Exactly like the 6ix god incarnate but actually not from Toronto, 100% from Vancouver. Asks if you want to play Sicko Mode or Mo Bamba at a party, or plays both. Gets funding from upper-middle class parents and uses it to buy Juul pods. Owns a pair of cargo pants, airpods, and an astroworld shirt.
Emotionally unavailable. He will say that he isn’t looking for a relationship but will constantly text at 1 am for weeks after you two stop talking.
The english major
Dreamy tousled hair and circular wired rim lasses have never looked so good on anyone else. His bio is a quirky pickup line or the idea of a perfect date. The English major probably works at Starbucks or a hipster coffee shop in Kensington market. Your first date will be at Hemingway’s (obviously) where he will talk about his indie rock band. You’ll probably ask him to read your essays and borrow his books. Bonus points if he owns a pair of Blundstone boots, dabbles in theatre or writes for a student newspaper. Another emotionally unavailable dream.
The frat guy
This boy has been everywhere, and by everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. Signed up for a Tinder account in search of a date for his fraternity formal. Profile pictures include a group photo with his brothers, a balcony photo or in some cases, a shirtless photo at the beach. Probably writes ‘Rotman Commerce’ in his bio or ‘UofT Engineering’. He probably matched with all your friends on Tinder and the entire Greek community (bonus points if he dated a few of your friends). Your first date will either be at the Maddy (half price pitchers) or at the Lab followed by a night out at Love Child (will probably get you two in for free because his brother is a promoter or DJ).
Seems really stuck up at first but will warm up to you after a few dates. You know you’re official when you two are seen studying together at Robarts or if he invites you out with his brothers.
The serial dating app stalker
The post-cuffing season feels are strong with this one. You probably had a tutorial with him or met him at a party and coincidentally matched with him on Tinder, Bumble and every other dating app. He uses the exact same photos and bio for every single one because he’s ‘just experimenting with dating apps’. Sometimes you wonder if he matches with you because he thinks you’re cute or because you two have matched on every other app. Conversations start with “Hey, I know you!” or “We meet again,” followed by an invitation out for drinks.
Coincidences are weird, but perhaps you might want to take a chance on this one.