Wellness Wednesdays with Diana: Thanksgiving Special
I recently stumbled upon a ritual that only takes place in Korea. Every year, schoolchildren write a letter of appreciation to one of their teachers. I was further moved upon discovering that when a South Korean president is elected, the new president typically visits the home of his favorite schoolteacher, bowing in gratitude.
I looked at the two cultures nearest and dearest to my heart—Arab and American culture—in search of a similar cultural practice, and I was disappointed to find none. Yes, you’ve sent out some Christmas thank you cards in the past. You’ve called family members to thank them for birthday gifts. But when was the last time you sent out a thank you card to a parent, friend, teacher, coach or teammate on a random Monday morning that wasn’t a big holiday or their birthday?
A stroll through CVS quickly reveals what psychologist Christopher Peterson describes as a lack of gratitude rituals in our society. We have cards that hope you feel better, cards that congratulate you on your first baby, and cards that wish you the best of luck on your second marriage, but our “thank you” card section needs a lot of help. Each card either thanks the recipient for a highly specific action or it doesn’t know what to do with itself. Covered in plain, neutral images and random sunflowers, these cards highlight the novelty of the practice of expressing gratitude on a just-because basis.
This holiday season, your Wellness Wednesday exercise is to go beyond the allocated thirty seconds of gratitude at the Thanksgiving dinner table. Log out of Gmail, pick up a pen, and start putting down some words you’ve been meaning to say. It’s going to make your recipient’s day a lot brighter to receive an unexpected note of appreciation.
I’m confident that William James would have given this exercise his stamp of approval, for he best summed up the human condition when he said: “The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” We all want to feel like our presence makes a difference. We all want the reassurance of a fallen tree in a forest that makes a loud sound that virtually everyone we love hears.
Think about how great you would feel after receiving a gratitude letter and let that inspire you to make someone feel the same way. And don’t stop at one letter; make a habit of examining your past to identify and thank the people who helped you out of love rather than obligation. The people who have left their imprints on your heart, but don’t really know it. The people who have gone out of their way to make your day a little brighter. If you still need another incentive, then perhaps Peterson’s words will convince you: “Certainly, we know that the habitually grateful among us are happier than those who are not.”
Usually when I look back at my sheltered, naïve, pre-Penn self, I cringe at how little I knew. But looking back at my graduation speech, I give 17-year-old Diana a proud pat on the back; she spent five minutes in front of hundreds of teachers, family members, and friends delivering a speech about gratitude.
Three and a half years later, I might have a more American accent and a different demeanor, but I would probably deliver the same speech all over again because I’m so grateful for the love and inspiration I receive on a daily basis from friends and family.
So check your mailbox, folks. My letters are coming for you.
Diana Gonimah is a senior at the University of Pennsylvania from Cairo, Egypt. She is a writer, Features Editor, and Recruiting Chair at the UPenn chapter of Her Campus. She’s passionate about psychology, journalism, creative writing, and helping people in any capacity. Check our website every Wednesday for Diana’s column!