Throughout the course of the day, I have random moments when I ask myself “what was the past year and a half?” As I walk along Locust Walk—the main strip of campus that was vacant in the alternate quarantine world of last semester—I try to process it now being full–of–life. How did my first year of college consist of learning from under my covers and over a computer screen when this is how it could’ve been?
Pre–COVID, I knew much less than I know now. I wasn’t aware of how fragile the health of our world was. I wasn’t aware of how circumstantial our safety was. I wasn’t aware of how essential informed and passionate leadership was. Mostly, I wasn’t prepared for how far life would stray from my expectations for the next year and a half.
The way I felt when I found out I wouldn’t get to go to be on campus for my first semester of college can’t be defined with one word. I felt a million emotions at once: frustrated, disappointed, shocked, understanding, confused, and lost.
The second semester of my freshman year, my class was invited back to live on campus. I lived in a room alone, and all of our classes took place over Zoom. I made few real connections, saw no active campus life, and spent the majority of my days in my dorm. I felt like I was in summer camp instead of school. This was the first time I saw the life I’d pictured for myself get thrown off track. I think we picture college being like everything we see in movies; full of lots of friends, romanticized walks to class, and a chance to explore life on our own. My expectations entering college mirrored what I’d seen on the screen, and I was disappointed to find it was nothing like what I was promised.
Flash forward to this fall, the beginning of my sophomore year. Freshman year, part two. The academic skills that were muscle memory during high school are suddenly foreign, but now there’s twice the pressure to succeed. All of a sudden, there are only three years left in college, and I feel like I haven’t even had one. Freshmen are getting the experience the current sophomores never got, from New Student Orientation to Convocation to the chance to meet friends under normal circumstances.
Basically, I have the mind of a freshman with the expectations of a sophomore. Everything freshmen are dealing with, most sophomores are also dealing with, but with less time or grace to figure it out. I have to fit the college life I’d envisioned for myself into a condensed scale.
It is daunting to think about what life would look like right now if COVID had never happened. Maybe I’d feel like I was a sophomore. Maybe I’d be prepared to think about internships and deciding on a concentration. Maybe I’d have more friendships with people who are better for me. Maybe I’ve yet to even meet my best friends. Maybe I should have already met them. My doubts can feel overpowering, especially as I navigate life as a real college student.
But in a post–COVID world (kind of), I’m wiser. I know that nothing in this world is built to meet our desires, but we will often see the pitfalls of our own expectations. There are people who lost so much more to this pandemic than I did. I’m capable of making the best out of the situation I was handed, even if I don’t think I am. To get back into the swing of academia and social interaction, I have to make the most of my situation; I’ll end up more disappointed if I don’t. That’s all I can do.
Everyone is struggling with socializing and school work, even if they don’t show it. So let’s be there for each other, now that we actually can be. Let’s make the most of the opportunities we have to make up for the ones we lost. If we try hard enough, we can still exceed our expectations.