I look up to my mother more than anyone else in this world—she started dating my dad at 15, earned two university degrees by 22, got married by 24 and had me by 28. By 25, she owned a house with my dad, and at 30, she had her second daughter. Now, at 48, she is incredibly happy with her life and how it has panned out for her.
As I approach my 20s, I can’t help but feel lost. Sure, I’m almost halfway done my degree, yet I still have no clue what kind of career I want, and I most definitely haven’t found the person I am going to marry. It’s as if there’s a ticking clock. She, along with every other adult woman in my life, must have had it all figured out by 20, and here I am feeling hopeless and uncertain.
When I was younger, 20 felt a hundred years away. Even at 16, 17, and 18, I felt like 20 was so adult and so old. Now, I’m months away from this milestone birthday and trying to cope with the fact that I thought I’d have it all figured out by now. Here I am, waking up every day in my student house doing my daily tasks, some homework, socializing, and doing it all the next day. The reality of no longer being a child is also beginning to hit me; I’m taking care of myself now and will be for the foreseeable future.
Turning 20 seems like such a big deal. I’m no longer just a teenage girl having fun with her friends, I’ll be a “real” adult—a functioning, contributing member of society, not just a girl looking to her parents for guidance on every element of life. How do I cope with this huge change?
I’m focusing on the positives. This decade marks a new chapter, and holds so much potential, promise, and love for me. While I love my mother and deeply respect her accomplishments and the life she’s built, I recognize that times have changed, and I’m forging my own path. She’s never pressured me to follow her footsteps; instead, she encourages me to be my own self and seek adventure in everything I do—it’s why I moved for university, made new friends and started a life of my own.
Reading material has also helped me greatly in this quest. Dolly Alderton’s Everything I know About Love has reassured me that everyone finds their footing somehow, and your 20s are for finding who you are and living life to the fullest. Alderton’s humour has been healing for me through this experience, as she shares various anecdotes and lessons from her 20s. The reassurance that your 20s are supposed to be filled with uncertainty and adventure is just what I needed to hear to make me feel better with this milestone fast approaching.
I’m also taking as many risks with this new chapter as I can; joining new activities, making new friends, and immersing myself in my studies are just some of the ways I’m choosing to enrich myself with this inevitable birthday coming up. By welcoming my 20s with abundance and with my happiest self present, I’m truly ensuring to set myself up for success in this formal transition to adulthood.
While I haven’t found all the answers I’d hoped to have found before my 20th birthday, I’m excited to see what this next chapter of life has in store for me, and for all the wonderful people and experiences I’ll be lucky enough to see through my 20s.
While getting older is terrifying (and if it was up to me I’d be my parents’ little girl forever), it’s important to see that aging is a beautiful process we’ll all get to see through if we’re lucky. It’s inspiring that I’ll someday get to share the wisdom I learned through my 20s with my future daughter and granddaughter, to help them approach this milestone birthday as well.