As someone who has spent the past year with their partner about halfway across the world, it’s safe to say I have a fair bit of experience with long-distance relationships (LDR). This is not my first LDR, but despite my past experiences, it still doesn’t get easier. LDRs, like any other relationship, need a lot of love and care, as well as compromise and understanding in order to stay afloat.
While I may not consider myself an expert, I want to give advice to those who are finding it difficult to cope with the distance, or if they have no idea how to start an LDR with the person they love. LDRs may not get easier but they are manageable, and they are certainly worth the wait. These are tips that I wish I had known sooner in my relationship, and that I hope will guide people who feel like time differences and miles of road or ocean feel too far.
Communicate
As simple and obvious as it sounds, communication is key between two people in a relationship. It is the butter between the bread that holds it all together. It’s important to check up on your partner, and to communicate your wants and needs to each other. Due to the distance, it can be even more difficult to discern how or what your partner is feeling over text messages. You can’t see them often (if at all), so it’s key to always check in to make sure they’re okay, or if they need anything. Be direct.
The same goes for yourself because ultimately there are two people in a relationship. Talking about your days, wishing each other good morning or goodnight, or even sharing the latest memes or gifs can go a long way.
While texting is much easier and quicker, make sure to get in a few calls as well. Actually talking out loud to my partner has always helped me feel closer to them. Whoever invented video chatting seriously deserves a massive raise.
Make Time
We all know that everyone gets busy, especially because of life and school. The main thing to take note of is balance and making time for the things you find important to you. Making time for your partner to go on dates, spend time with each other to call, or even study together are ways you can fit your partner into your daily routine. That being said, balance also means taking time for yourself when you can. This comes with time, so make sure to find what works for both of your schedules.
Look Toward the Future
This was one of the biggest tips that helped me throughout my relationship. My partner and I have always had a goal to look forward to, such as a trip to see each other. This can be as small as your next date night or as big as your future careers and a (hopefully reasonably priced) apartment together. Discussing future goals, future trips you would like to go on, and any future holidays to spend together makes passing the time a bit easier when you eventually hit those goals.
Don’t Forget the Little Things
Celebrate birthdays together and your anniversaries. Monthly anniversaries? Absolutely! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a normal day special for the two of you. Send gifts, write letters, tell your partner how much you love them. There are many ways to express your feelings to your partner other than physical touch, so get creative with it, and don’t forget the little things!
Use What You Have
I’m fortunate enough to have a partner that’s so willing to try new things with me. Our shared thing we have is video games, and we often play a lot of two-player games and suggest some to play later. It Takes Two, any online multiplayer games such as Valorant or Overwatch 2 have been a few games I’ve played with my partner. More games to play if you are looking for suggestions are Overcooked, Bread and Fred, any escape room games you can find that rely on communication are some of my favourites as well.
That being said, you don’t have to play video games. You can simply watch videos together, stream the same show from wherever you are in the world and talk about it or enjoy it.
BeReal uses daily photos to update your life to close friends, and Snapchat is in a similar vein where you send pictures of yourself to your partner. Seeing their daily lives and such candid moments can make you feel closer, or at least it does for me. Seeing my partner’s stupid BeReals has been a highlight of my day.
The internet has taken many big steps to help us feel closer to each other. So be resourceful, look into more apps, streaming services, any activity to make you feel closer can really help.
Be Patient, Do What Works For You
All of these tips are not the be-all-end-all for all long-distance relationships. My relationship may look completely different from yours. Maybe you have a larger time difference, maybe the distance is larger, maybe it feels impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Honestly, patience is the biggest tip I could ever give. Being patient with your partner, as well as yourself, makes everything a bit more bearable. At the end of the day, you are in this relationship together. You’re not alone in how you feel, or in how much you miss them. Your partner is most likely feeling the exact same way.
So What’s The Point?
You may find that these tips may overlap or connect with one another, and that is totally okay! They’re supposed to. All of these tips work together to create a healthy, fun, and loving relationship (in my opinion, at least). I hope that these tips help to outline where to start if you’re feeling lost, or at the very least give you hope in your relationship. I believe I read a quote somewhere that goes like this: “Distance is not forever, but the love you share with each other is.”
It heals the hopeless romantic in me, and I hope it does for you too.